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Band 4

In many countries, children are overweight and un healthy.Some people think the government should be held accountable.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #people #government
Overweight
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Being overweight
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 is
definitly
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definitely
 unhealthy and bad for many reasons. The government does have protocols in
school
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schools
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 and
college
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colleges
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 for kids and teenagers to not become overweight and be healthy. And it does have stuff like
tv
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TV
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 shows and facilities for them to do what's right for their own health. So they
should'nt
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shouldn't
 be accountable for children being overweight. So there are classes in school like football, basketball, wrestling,
and
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apply
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etc. If anyone
does'nt
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doesn't
 like one of them can choose another, there are many sports that they can be a part of, and all of these are funded by the government. If we look at pictures of eighty's, we can see clearly that people were much more fit and healthy. Because people did
care
 about sports and staying fit all the time in any ages unlike
nowdays
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nowadays
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.
Also
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Also,
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 the government have provided kids and even adults
a
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with a
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lot of facilities and futures to stay active. Like there are
tv
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TV
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 shows that can be
helpfull
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helpful
 for guidance.
Also
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Also,
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 they have issued some companies to
shcedule
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schedule
 and provide
employes
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employees
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 with
sport
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sports
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 facilities and back them up to do so.
On the other
hand
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hand,
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i
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I
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blieve
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believe
 that it's our duty to
care
 about our own
body
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bodies
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 and health. Stay active every day even when working behind a desk, you can always take a minute and
strech
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stretch
 up your body. And for
kids
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kids,
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 their parents should be held responsible
,
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apply
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 because it's their responsibility to
care
 about their
children
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children's
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 health. like in India most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people start dancing
in
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at
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 very young ages and it's not only cultural it's simply because they
care
.
Submitted by afrough on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, begin your essay with a clear introduction that presents the topic and your thesis statement. Make sure each paragraph has a central idea that is clearly defined and supported by appropriate examples or explanations. Connect your ideas with cohesive devices like linking words (however, therefore, furthermore) and maintain topic consistency throughout.
task achievement
For better task achievement, make sure you fully address the prompt by discussing the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement provided. Offer a balanced view with arguments for both sides if necessary, or strongly focus on one side while considering the other views briefly. Include a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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