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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You have just started a course in a college which has no sports facilities of its own. Write a letter to the manager of the nearest private sports club. In your letter Introduce yourself Say why you are interested in this club   Ask some questions about the club e.g facilities, members, costs

#course #college #sports #facilities #manager #club #questions #e #g #members #costs
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Dear Sir or Madam I study
TMI
Change preposition
at TMI
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 University in Tashkent.
This
 University is good and it has all facilities for studying.
However
Add a comma
However,
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 it is one drawback is that the sports
club
 of our university does not have sufficient conditions.So I enrolled on your Snap Fitness
Club
. I have read your advertisement on the Internet and I would like to get more information.   First of all, I would like to know your
club
's facilities condition.
Also
, your sports
club
 offers certificates and discounts to athletes who have participated for
2month
Correct your spelling
2 months
. How can I use the certificate?  
Furthermore
, since my study is in the morning, I can not attend the training sessions conducted by the special trainers. So what advice can you give me? I would be grateful
whether
Correct word choice
if
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 you could tell me what the price is. You can
Correct your spelling
contact
contanct
Correct your spelling
contact
 me on my mobile phone number which is:998973333333 I look forward to hearing from you.     Yours faithfully        Sabin
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance the logical structure of your letter, consider organizing your information more clearly into separate paragraphs, each with a distinct purpose. One paragraph can introduce yourself and your situation, another can detail the reasons for your interest, followed by another with specific inquiries about the club. This will create a clearer progression of ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your letter and to connect the paragraphs and ideas more smoothly, such as 'Furthermore,' 'In addition to,' 'Regarding,' etc.
Task Achievement
It's essential to fully address all the points requested in the task. Make sure you include all the details: why you are interested in the club, specify the information you'd like about facilities, ask more detailed questions about membership, and inquire about costs, making sure each point is thoroughly covered.
Task Achievement
Ensure that you maintain a suitable writing tone throughout the letter. The tone is polite and appropriate, but it can be enhanced by expressing your requests and questions more explicitly, and by providing more details about your situation and why you are contacting the manager.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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