IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays more people are choosing to live with their friends or alone rather than with their families, this trend is likely to have a negative impact on community. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#people #friends #families #trend #impact #community
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Nowadays more
people
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 are choosing to live with their
friends
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 or alone rather than with their
families
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this
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 is because many
people
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 want to be independent and like to make their decisions on their own.
This
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trend
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 is likely to have a negative
impact
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 on
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community
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the community
show examples
 and I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. Living alone or with their
friends
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 is becoming come these days because
,
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apply
show examples
 many
people
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 think that staying with their
families
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 will
bound
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bind
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 their
boundries
Correct your spelling
boundaries
 and they will
loose
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lose
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 all the enjoyment or opportunities that individuals have who will
away
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be away
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 from their close
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one's
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ones
show examples
.
Lets
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Let's
Let us
show examples
 take an example of India, where it is a culture to live in joint
families
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. But,
due to
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ongoing
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the ongoing
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trend
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 of moving
to
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apply
show examples
abroad for higher studies or for
betterment
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the betterment
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 of
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
, many humans live on their own in foreign or with their
friends
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 as they are far away from family. Because of
this
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people
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 in India have a mindset that they enjoy the independence of living alone. Despite
of
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apply
show examples
all the fun facts,
this
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 essay believes that
this
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trend
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 is having a negative
impact
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 on
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community
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the community
show examples
. Being around
one
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's family teaches individuals many important things,
such
Linking Words
 as how to maintain healthy and strong relationships, how to be an extrovert, and how to manage your job and family time. If a person misses these opportunities at
early
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an early
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 age, they could grow up as an introvert and later in their lives they could have social anxiety issues.
Moreover
Linking Words
, leaving their parents alone
at
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apply
show examples
back home, makes them feel
like
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apply
show examples
useless or
leftovers
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have leftovers
show examples
.
This
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trend
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 has a very bad
impact
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 on
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community
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the community
show examples
 in my countries especially, in India, because almost 70
percent
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per cent
show examples
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families
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of families
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 are only left with parents or grandparents.
This
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 not only
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
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 their mental health but physical too. They do not like going out to enjoy their lives,
Linking Words
instead
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instead,
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 they like to wait for their kids who
lives
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live
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 miles away to meet them as soon as possible.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the youth
is liking
Wrong verb form
like
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 to stay with their
friends
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 and ignore the
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one's
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ones
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 who gave birth.
This
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 results in leaving a huge
impact
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 on the
community
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. In conclusion, living alone or with
friends
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 is good
till
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for
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certain
Change the article
a certain
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 amount of time.
However
Linking Words
, independence and personal space
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not the only important
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
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 in
one
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's life.
People
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 should think about the impacts that are going to
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their
families
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, young
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one's
Change the noun form
ones
one
show examples
 and the
community
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.
Submitted by harneet2001kaur on

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coherence cohesion
One key area to improve in coherence and cohesion is the logical structure. The essay should have clear and distinct paragraphs, each covering a specific point relating to the main argument. Consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to set the scene for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Linking words and phrases, such as 'furthermore', 'in addition', 'however', and 'consequently', can be used to make the relationships between ideas clearer.
task achievement
Regarding task achievement, while the response is complete, try to ensure that the main points are fully developed and extended with detailed examples. Providing evidence or more specific scenarios could give more weight to your arguments.
task achievement
Be careful with repetitive points. You mentioned the negative impact on the community multiple times without introducing new perspectives or elaborating in detail. Try to diversify your argument with different aspects and consequences of the main issue.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the use of punctuation and sentence construction to avoid run-on sentences and unclear meaning. Proper punctuation will contribute to the overall readability and effectiveness of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • community cohesion
  • individualism
  • shared accommodation
  • societal norms
  • isolation
  • interpersonal relationships
  • nuclear family
  • extended family
  • housemates
  • co-living
  • social fabric
  • support network
  • globalisation
  • multigenerational living
  • self-sufficiency
What to do next:
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