Nowadays more people are choosing to live with their friends or alone rather than with their families, this trend is likely to have a negative impact on community. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?
Nowadays more
people
are choosing to live with their friends
or alone rather than with their families
this
is because many people
want to be independent and like to make their decisions on their own.
This
trend
is likely to have a negative impact
on community
and I totally agree with Add an article
the community
this
statement.
Living alone or with their friends
is becoming come these days because,
many Remove the comma
apply
people
think that staying with their families
will bound
their Wrong verb form
bind
boundries
and they will Correct your spelling
boundaries
loose
all the enjoyment or opportunities that individuals have who will Replace the word
lose
away
from their close Add a missing verb
be away
one's
. Change noun form
ones
Lets
take an example of India, where it is a culture to live in joint Replace the word
Let's
Let us
families
. But, due to
ongoing
Correct article usage
the ongoing
trend
of moving to
abroad for higher studies or for Change preposition
apply
betterment
of Add an article
the betterment
future
, many humans live on their own in foreign or with their Correct article usage
the future
friends
as they are far away from family. Because of this
people
in India have a mindset that they enjoy the independence of living alone.
Despite of
all the fun facts, Change preposition
apply
this
essay believes that this
trend
is having a negative impact
on community
. Being around Add an article
the community
one
's family teaches individuals many important things, such
as how to maintain healthy and strong relationships, how to be an extrovert, and how to manage your job and family time. If a person misses these opportunities at early
age, they could grow up as an introvert and later in their lives they could have social anxiety issues. Add an article
an early
Moreover
, leaving their parents alone at
back home, makes them feel Change preposition
apply
like
useless or Change preposition
apply
leftovers
. Add a missing verb
have leftovers
This
trend
has a very bad impact
on community
in my countries especially, in India, because almost 70 Add an article
the community
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
families
are only left with parents or grandparents. Change preposition
of families
This
not only effects
their mental health but physical too. They do not like going out to enjoy their lives, Correct your spelling
affects
instead
they like to wait for their kids who Add a comma
instead,
lives
miles away to meet them as soon as possible. Change the verb form
live
Furthermore
, the youth is liking
to stay with their Wrong verb form
like
friends
and ignore the one's
who gave birth. Change noun form
ones
This
results in leaving a huge impact
on the community
.
In conclusion, living alone or with friends
is good till
Change preposition
for
certain
amount of time. Change the article
a certain
However
, independence and personal space is
not the only important Correct subject-verb agreement
are
thing
in Fix the agreement mistake
things
one
's life. People
should think about the impacts that are going to effect
their Correct your spelling
affect
families
, young one's
and the Change the noun form
ones
one
community
.Submitted by harneet2001kaur on
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coherence cohesion
One key area to improve in coherence and cohesion is the logical structure. The essay should have clear and distinct paragraphs, each covering a specific point relating to the main argument. Consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to set the scene for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Linking words and phrases, such as 'furthermore', 'in addition', 'however', and 'consequently', can be used to make the relationships between ideas clearer.
task achievement
Regarding task achievement, while the response is complete, try to ensure that the main points are fully developed and extended with detailed examples. Providing evidence or more specific scenarios could give more weight to your arguments.
task achievement
Be careful with repetitive points. You mentioned the negative impact on the community multiple times without introducing new perspectives or elaborating in detail. Try to diversify your argument with different aspects and consequences of the main issue.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the use of punctuation and sentence construction to avoid run-on sentences and unclear meaning. Proper punctuation will contribute to the overall readability and effectiveness of your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.