IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

It has been widely stated that students could take a year off from studying in order to travel or work after high
school
Use synonyms
graduating
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, its cons sometimes make us hesitate about its pros. In
present
Add an article
the present
show examples
 essay, an attempt is made to portray the merits and demerits of a year-long break to work or travel before continuing education. On the one hand, there are undeniable advantages to
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a year to experience a journey or job after getting a diploma in high
school
Use synonyms
. Not only can it open a window upon a world mirroring wonderful horizons, but
also
Linking Words
 it provides a useful resource
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 broadening one’s mind.
Firstly
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, students’
trip
Fix the agreement mistake
trips
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 can be impressive to enrich their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and acquaint themselves with the facts of independent
life
Use synonyms
 in unfamiliar environments.
Although
Linking Words
 it might be demanding to cope with the vicissitudes of
life
Use synonyms
, it can play a vital role in their future
life
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 and the young learn to put up with their responsibility in society.
In addition
Linking Words
, adolescents usually evince insatiable curiosity to find out novel skills resulting in pursuing their talent in favorable job matching with their inherent power. As an illustration, many individuals are engrossed by jobs that they would apprentice after high
school
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are concomitant risks
taking
Change preposition
of taking
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 a long break. Tardiness in selecting and studying academic courses is a barrier stunting to reach
to
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apply
show examples
beloved
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
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 in outstanding universities since they prefer ones
inclining
Wrong verb form
inclined
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 to continue academic education faster.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in spite of the fact that respite from the surfeit of homework is enjoyable, it can be regarded as
onset
Add an article
the onset
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 of an insidious trend toward education ignorance. Many people believe that unless
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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they carry on schooling, they will gain money more and faster. Indubitably,
this
Linking Words
 bitter fact can bring about lots of problems later in their
life
Use synonyms
 and
dissuades
Correct subject-verb agreement
dissuade
show examples
 them from achieving
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
what they are able to get with academic qualifications. In conclusion, supposedly, a
year- long
Correct your spelling
year-long
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 gap between getting
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 degree and commencing
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 academic year in university can have a prominent role in
student’s
Correct article usage
a student’s
show examples
life
Use synonyms
, but meanwhile it has a plethora of drawbacks influencing
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
his or her
life
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Your essay introduces the topic and presents arguments on both sides, which is good. However, consider adding specific examples to illustrate your points. This will deepen the analysis and provide more concrete evidence to your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and well-formed. To enhance the logical structure and flow, it would be beneficial to create clearer topic sentences and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Including a range of linking words and phrases can improve coherence, but make sure they are used appropriately to clearly show the relationship between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid overly complex and convoluted sentences as they can hinder understanding. Strive for clarity by using simpler structures where possible and vary sentence length for better readability.
task response
You might need to address the task more explicitly by stating your own view or recommendation regarding the gap year after high school. This will help in fulfilling the task response criteria better. Remember to cover all parts of the prompt.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
What to do next:
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