IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behavior. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #visitors #countries #customs #behavior #host #country #differences
In line with the shift in time and growth of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trip facilities, international
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 has become more convenient than before resulting in the attraction of a significant number of tourists to various
countries
.
This
 trend causes exceedingly controversy among individuals as there is a widely held belief that visitors are obliged to obey local
customs
while
 others reject
this
 belief and suppose that the host country should accept its
guest
Fix the agreement mistake
guests
show examples
 the way they are. I want to be on the side of those thinking that destination
countries
 must welcome cultural differences. There are some reasons giving an explanation of why the place where people go for a visit do not accept ones.
Whereas
, some
countries
 are immersed in extreme bias toward their
customs
, and a series of
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 are adopted as rules violation of regulations is unbearable for
this
 kind of country and it can contribute to penalties for offenders. As an illustration, in Britain, if individuals litter the streets they will be fined. At the same time, in
Iran
Add a comma
Iran,
show examples
 unless women
have
Verb problem
wear
show examples
hijab
Fix the agreement mistake
hijabs
show examples
 they
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
allowed to enter shrines by local persons
accordingly
 it brings about devastating consequences.
Therefore
, based on the aforementioned reasons it is incumbent on tourists to observe local
customs
.
Although
 it is an indisputable fact that all
countries
' cultures are respectful and depict their resident's national identities, the adaptation of varied cultures has plenty of merits. On the one hand, were foreigners received by other societies it would embody the promotion of appeal to travelers. As a matter of fact, economic progress can be attributed to
this
 stream.
For instance
, a great deal of Egypt's budget is provided by the tourist industry.
On the other hand
, tripper reception can be a stepping stone for the district
countries
 to acquaint their indigenes with numerous
customs
 and they abound in varied cultures. In sum, despite the fact that a newcomer's entrance
that is
 regardless of local culture is unacceptable for some
nationality
Fix the agreement mistake
nationalities
show examples
, I strongly believe that the host country should welcome cultural differences on the
ground
Fix the agreement mistake
grounds
show examples
 of lots of monetary and moral advantages.
Submitted by pooriya29 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear logical structure by organizing ideas into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences. This helps signpost your arguments and guide the reader through your essay more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and conclusion that clearly state the topic, present the views discussed, and conclude with your opinion. This helps to frame the essay and provide closure for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with clear, relevant examples. Each paragraph should ideally contain an argument supported by evidence or examples, which demonstrates a deeper analysis and ability to engage critically with the topic.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task thoroughly to provide a complete response. Ensure that both views and your own opinion are discussed in-depth.
task achievement
Articulate ideas clearly and comprehensively throughout the essay. Avoid overly complex sentences that can confuse your argument. Focus on expressing your ideas with clarity.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to illustrate arguments. Make sure the examples provided are directly related to the topic and clearly support your position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: