The bar chart on the right shows figures of annual coffee and meat consumption.

The bar chart on the right shows figures of annual coffee and meat consumption.
The bar chart depicts
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the amount of annual
meat
and
coffee
usage in seven
countries
.
Overall
, the number of
meat
consumption
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
the greatest number compared to
coffee
in each
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
. It can be seen that the biggest three
consumption
of
meat
were in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, Germany, and France. The statistic shows that these three
countries
had 122
kg
, 87
kg
, and 72
kg
per
person
, respectively.
Then
, the fourth
place
was Norway that able to hit 60
kg
of
meat
consumption
per
person
.
Moreover
, the rest of the
countries
which were Japan, Russia, and China
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
likely had the same amount
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
start
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
from 42 to 47
kg
for each individual.
However
, the were only a few
consumption
Replace the word
consumers
show examples
for
coffee
in every
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
,
each
Correct word choice
and each
show examples
of them
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
never hit more than 10
kg
per
person
. The first
place
for the biggest number of
coffee
consumption
was
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Norway around 9
kg
,
then
the second
place
were France and Russia because both of them had the same amount of
coffee
consumption
which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
5
kg
each.
Next,
the third
place
for
coffee
consumption
was Germany
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
had 7
kg
for each
person
.
Lastly
, the
last
two
countries
which were China and Japan
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
only
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
2 and 3
kg
of
coffee
per individual, respectively.
Submitted by bmaharani04 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words meat, coffee, countries, consumption, kg, person, place with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • annual consumption
  • millions of tonnes
  • trend
  • fluctuations
  • steady increase/decrease
  • per capita consumption
  • dietary habits
  • health consciousness
  • sustainability
  • environmental impact
  • economic factors
  • cultural preferences
  • global market
  • demand and supply
  • statistics
  • kilograms per annum
What to do next:
Look at other essays: