IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart on the right shows figures of annual coffee and meat consumption.

The bar chart on the right shows figures of annual coffee and meat consumption.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart depicts
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the amount of annual
meat
Use synonyms
 and
coffee
Use synonyms
 usage in seven
countries
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of
meat
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
 the greatest number compared to
coffee
Use synonyms
 in each
Use synonyms
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
. It can be seen that the biggest three
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
meat
Use synonyms
 were in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, Germany, and France. The statistic shows that these three
countries
Use synonyms
 had 122
kg
Use synonyms
 , 87
kg
Use synonyms
 , and 72
kg
Use synonyms
 per
person
Use synonyms
, respectively.
Then
Linking Words
, the fourth
place
Use synonyms
 was Norway that able to hit 60
kg
Use synonyms
 of
meat
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 per
person
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the rest of the
countries
Use synonyms
 which were Japan, Russia, and China
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
likely had the same amount
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
start
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 from 42 to 47
kg
Use synonyms
 for each individual.
However
Linking Words
, the were only a few
Use synonyms
consumption
Replace the word
consumers
show examples
 for
coffee
Use synonyms
 in every
Use synonyms
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
,
each
Correct word choice
and each
show examples
 of them
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
never hit more than 10
kg
Use synonyms
 per
person
Use synonyms
. The first
place
Use synonyms
 for the biggest number of
coffee
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 was
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Norway around 9
kg
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 the second
place
Use synonyms
 were France and Russia because both of them had the same amount of
coffee
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 5
kg
Use synonyms
 each.
Next,
Linking Words
the third
place
Use synonyms
 for
coffee
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 was Germany
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 had 7
kg
Use synonyms
 for each
person
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the
last
Linking Words
 two
countries
Use synonyms
 which were China and Japan
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
only
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 2 and 3
kg
Use synonyms
 of
coffee
Use synonyms
 per individual, respectively.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words meat, coffee, countries, consumption, kg, person, place with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • annual consumption
  • millions of tonnes
  • trend
  • fluctuations
  • steady increase/decrease
  • per capita consumption
  • dietary habits
  • health consciousness
  • sustainability
  • environmental impact
  • economic factors
  • cultural preferences
  • global market
  • demand and supply
  • statistics
  • kilograms per annum
What to do next:
Look at other essays: