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Band 4.5

Many students are choosing not to study science in universities.what are the causes for that.what are the effects of that

#students #study #science #universities #effects
Nowadays there is only a small interest in
students
 that keen to study
science
 at universities and become a
doctor
.
This
 situation happens because choosing
this
 major can cost a lot of money and it is
also
 harder than other subjects.
However
, it can have a negative impact towards the number of their own environmental health care. The reason why many of
highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
students
 do not want to extend their studies into
science
 as their future major
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is because it will cost a fortune of money,
not to mention
 it will be extremely harder compared to social types of majors like business or law. Nowadays there are many parents that want their kid to be a
doctor
 but in order to become one, it is require
students
 to learn deeply in
science
.
However
, their children think that
this
 major is out of their limit and they might be failed through the process
such
 as exams.
Moreover
, with
this
 expectation of failing they do not want to waste their parent's money because in
this
 major, if
students
 fail each block in their semester they are required to pay even more. By
this
 term, it can affect the lack of their own environment health care, because most of the
students
 from their region, only have a few medical
students
 that actually
becomes
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 a
doctor
. Imagine, if there is a family and their kids are facing in terrible seizure, they need to find the fastest way to the hospital, but since their region does not have a professional that can help them, it might cause them into bigger accidents.
To sum up
, recently there are not many
students
 that keen to pursue on
science
 major in university and
then
 become a
doctor
. These issues can lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 low number of
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
environmental health care, which might
cause
Verb problem
put
show examples
 their citizens
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bigger danger.
Submitted by bmaharani04 on

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task achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the prompt fully. Include specific causes and detailed effects regarding the trend of fewer students choosing to study science. Expand upon these points with clear examples that support the causes and effects you identify.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a clearer thesis statement in your introduction that addresses the causes and effects directly. Use topic sentences to introduce your main points in each paragraph and ensure that the body paragraphs focus on the different causes and effects separately.
task achievement
Provide more concrete and varied examples that illustrate the causes and effects you are discussing in the essay. This will help to substantiate your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices such as transition words and phrases to demonstrate the relationship between ideas more clearly. This will improve the flow of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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