IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The only way to improve road safety is to have stricter punishments for driving offenders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#road #safety #punishments #offenders
It is believed that having stricter fines is the only way to develop traffic safety.
This
 writer supports
this
 statement because
this
 strategy can change people’s awareness and money can make updating less dangerous. It must be understood that anxiety about finance is one of the main problems in any family, which has various responsibilities example raising children and old people.
Therefore
, the range pay for taxes and fines is unnecessary and can affect different aspects in a serious way.
In addition
,
according to
 some developed countries,
this
 strategy has impressively decreased 90% of freight accidents in a year.
This
 result pointed out the effectiveness of making rules stricter. Another point to take into consideration is using that tax and fine to update road gridlock. With a huge amount of money, movement can be made more modern and comfortable, we can deliver faster so the safety can go up : significantly.
For example
 in Japan and Singapore, public transportation is developed enough for us not to use personal vehicles. It means we can go everywhere by train or bus so the accident is hard to happen. In conclusion, raising the fine and providing stricter penalties are considerable to be a solution to improving the shipment system. The ideas have shown all the advantages and benefits and
moreover
, they can develop over time.

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task response
Focus on developing a clear thesis statement in the introduction. Clarify your position regarding the topic to provide a stronger guiding statement for your essay.
task response
Expand and elaborate your ideas further with more detailed examples. Clear and comprehensive examples strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Work on creating a more logical structure by organizing your paragraphs effectively. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support that idea.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear and distinct. The introduction should present the topic and your thesis, while the conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your position more emphatically.
coherence and cohesion
Use transitional phrases to better connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This will improve the flow of your essay and make your arguments easier to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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