Studying art in school improves students' performance in other subjects, because it is easier for multi-skilled students to learn new things. That's why art should be obligatory in schools. Do you agree or disagree?

It is considered that Studying
art
helps
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
to perform in other
subjects
very well as it gives them the ability to learn more new things. I completely agree with
this
statement and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
think it is extremely important to be included as a subject in school. First of all, Studying
art
gives the
students
high cognition so that they become
open minded
Add a hyphen
open-minded
show examples
.
This
is because it benefits them to be much experienced in
such
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
and gives them a high quality of creativity,
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
it has a great effect on having the ability to understand other
subjects
easily and gaining high marks in
art
as well as
all other
subjects
.
For example
, A lot of
students
always wait for the time to practise some guitars ,
listening
Wrong verb form
listen
show examples
to music and know about lyrics so they feel satisfied about that.
That is
why
art
should be included as a subject in school as it has many advantages.
Secondly
, Arts give the
students
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
time to release their stress.
this
is because when having a full day of science
subjects
,
Students
usually feel stressed and complicated so they wait for it to release their pain
as well as
charging themselves again to be motivated in studying other science.
For instance
, My best friend usually has a lot of
stresses
Fix the agreement mistake
stress
show examples
as he keeps himself alone in his room when it comes to
study
Change the verb form
studying
show examples
subjects
of science
such
as Physics, Maths and chemistry. But when he goes to listen to music and enjoys reading about lyrics. he feels so active so he can perform well when trying to learn how to be a good singer.
Thus
, It is
much
Rephrase
very
show examples
important to consider
art
in releasing
stresses
Fix the agreement mistake
stress
show examples
.
To conclude
, I strongly believe that
art
should be considered as a subject in school because it helps the student to have high cognition and it is considered as a stress release.
Submitted by mohamedicdl175 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea or topic sentence.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
Avoid repeating ideas; instead, develop logically connected arguments and examples.
Task Achievement
Answer the question directly in the introduction and restate your position in the conclusion for clarity.
Task Achievement
Fully develop your ideas by discussing how or why art improves cognition and reduces stress, possibly with research or statistics.
Task Achievement
Provide more detailed examples or evidence to support your arguments and remember to relate them directly to the question.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Critical thinking
  • Motor skills
  • Creativity
  • Perspectives
  • Emotional outlet
  • Cultural appreciation
  • Global awareness
  • Historical art movements
  • Spatial intelligence
  • Curriculum overload
  • Non-competitive
  • Exposure
  • Cross-disciplinary benefits
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