IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offenses are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Whether considering some solid
punishment
Use synonyms
 for driving penalty in order to
decreasing
Change the verb
decrease
show examples
 traffic incidents or other
ways
Use synonyms
 more effective for warrantying the roads is a controversial issue. I opine that
although
Linking Words
 strict
punishment
Use synonyms
 is good for careless
people
Use synonyms
 in driving and it leads them to do not do
again
Correct pronoun usage
it again
show examples
 because of consequences, other
ways
Use synonyms
 might be more affectionately for warning them about consequences like treating friendly or holding some classes
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc. On the one hand,
punishment
Use synonyms
 might be a frustrating process and cost recklessnesses a lot. By
control
Replace the word
controlling
show examples
 speed cameras police can recognize all cars and penalize them two or three times more than usual prices. After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 they know
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
 can control and see
any one
Correct your spelling
anyone
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any where
Join the words
anywhere
show examples
. Police can impound the car and do not allow them to use their car any more. Without paying completely the fine, they can not see their cars at all. On the other, if they do not pay attention to
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 lessons, they will go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail or impound their certificate which is a negative point for all
people
Use synonyms
 because
for example
Linking Words
 if they want to apply for a job, no employers will give them a job. If the government holds some boring classes with a bad atmosphere for them, they will have a bad memory and they do not come back there again, so they obey the rolls.
However
Linking Words
, some drivers do not pay attention to strict
punishment
Use synonyms
 at all, so we should consider other
ways
Use synonyms
 for them that are more effective. All in all,
people
Use synonyms
 are disobedient about roles and if we set some strict
punishment
Use synonyms
 we motivate them to do them again because breaking laws
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them
sense
Add an article
a sense
show examples
 of freedom. They do not know laws are held
for preventing
Change preposition
to prevent
show examples
 them and other
people
Use synonyms
 from dangerous situations. So we have to try different
ways
Use synonyms
 to
warning
Change the form of the verb
warn
show examples
 them about the consequences like friendly classes which teach them how to be patient and
carefully
Change the word
careful
show examples
during
Change preposition
while
show examples
 driving. Give some benefits to them to encourage them to obey the rolls, like free car insurance or some discounts for buying new cars for the best and most careful drivers.
In addition
Linking Words
,
making
Verb problem
building
show examples
 trust between
people
Use synonyms
 and the government can
plays
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 a drastic role in teaching them how they should be careful in driving. If Driving lessons are taught to
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 in school, will be more
effectively
Change the word
effective
show examples
. Introducing some
people
Use synonyms
 to explain their bitter memories about their accident can
warning
Wrong verb form
warn
show examples
 them about traffic accidents. In conclusion, it is true that strict punishments are good for
driver
Fix the agreement mistake
drivers
show examples
 but we still witness numerous traffic accidents. I agree
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that we can warranty the
roads
Change noun form
road's
show examples
 safety
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other
ways
Use synonyms
 which can be more effective to have reasonable and friendly
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 with all drivers in order to
paying
Change the verb
pay
show examples
 more attention during driving.

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Introduction & Conclusion
Expand on your introduction by clearly outlining the views you will discuss and provide a clear thesis statement to reflect your opinion.
Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure the conclusion summarizes the main points discussed and reiterates your opinion clearly, without introducing new ideas.
Logical Structure
Develop logical paragraphs with clear topic sentences that state the main idea, followed by supporting sentences and examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on clearly linking your ideas and paragraphs using a range of cohesive devices and transition words.
Task Response
Provide more specific and clear examples to support your arguments.
Task Achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the task by discussing both views fully before giving your own opinion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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