IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives the information about how families in one country spend their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison when they are relavant.

The chart below gives the information about how families in one country spend their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison when they are relavant.
#information #families #country #income #features #comparison #relavant
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The given bar chart illustrates data concerning percentages of families' weekly
earning
Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
show examples
 that
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 spent in 1968 and in 2018 on different types of
Use synonyms
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as food, housing, and power. At a glance, it can be overtly observed that
while
Linking Words
 the ratio of funding spent on food dominated in 1968, that of weekly income mostly paid on leisure,
whereas
Linking Words
 the portion of funding spent on fuel and power constituted the lowest percentage in both years;
moreover
Linking Words
, it is interesting to note that the proportion of spending on household goods was responsible for the same percentages, at approximately 8%. Looking at
Add an article
the type
show examples
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of
payment
Use synonyms
 that
encounter
Change the verb form
encounters
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 an upward trend: housing, transport, and leisure, more closely, the proportion of money spent on
Correct article usage
the aforemention
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aforemention
Correct your spelling
aforementioned
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
payment
Use synonyms
 rose
for
Change preposition
apply
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approximately two times in housing and transportation, from 10% to 18% and 7% to 14%, respectively,
while
Linking Words
 it is vital to note that of leisure
incresed
Correct your spelling
increased
 around three times from 7% to 21%. Moving forward to look at the other categories that experienced a downward trend,
while
Linking Words
other type
Change the wording
another type
other types
show examples
 of
payment
Use synonyms
 gradually declined, the ratio of food
singnificantly
Correct your spelling
significantly
 dipped from 35% to 17%.
Submitted by giftsuvichaya1702 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words payment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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