It was common in the past for people to retire at 60. Now more and more people are choosing to continue working past the official retirement age, with some countries even increasing the official age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree with this change? Why?
In the current landscape of the global workforce, there has been a noticeable trend of elderly
individuals
opting to extend their working years beyond the traditional retirement age
. Consequently
, several nations have deliberated on increasing the retirement age
to accommodate this
shift. However
, I firmly oppose this
proposition.
Firstly
, senior citizens deserve the opportunity to enjoy a well-deserved break after years of dedicated service. This
phase of life should be cherished, allowing them to spend quality time with peers, grandchildren, and loved ones. Furthermore
, advancing age
often leads to reduced physical vigour, impacting work efficiency. Research conducted by Cairo University highlighted a decline in productivity and accuracy among workers over the age
of sixty, emphasizing the importance of recognizing their limitations. Moreover
, elderly individuals
are more susceptible to health issues due to
weakened immune systems and decreased physical resilience. In countries like Canada, older employees are sometimes restricted from working in densely populated areas to mitigate potential health risks posed by their age
-related vulnerabilities.
Nevertheless
, remaining idle at home for extended periods can lead to feelings of monotony and potential conflicts within social circles. While
economic needs drive many individuals
to continue working, it is crucial to strike a balance. Implementing a uniform retirement age
policy ensures opportunities for younger generations to enter the workforce while
providing adequate support for retirees.
In conclusion, it is incumbent upon governments to address this
issue by offering comprehensive pension plans, incentives, and support systems to enable elderly individuals
to retire comfortably and alleviate any financial burdens. Balancing the needs of older workers with opportunities for the younger workforce is essential for a harmonious transition in the labour market.Submitted by mohannadsme on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Ensure the thesis statement clearly states your stance on the issue. While your position is clear, reinforcing it in the introduction could enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Use more transitional words to strengthen the logical flow between ideas. Although your essay is generally cohesive, adding more connectors will aid in clarity.
task achievement
The essay presents a well-rounded argument with balanced perspectives, including both the reasons against extending the retirement age and understanding why some may choose to continue working.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, effectively framing the essay and summarizing the main points.
task achievement
Specific examples, such as the research from Cairo University and the mention of employment policies in Canada, add depth and relevance to the argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!