IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Experts say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more exercise and spent more time with family and friends. Whereas now may suffer loneless and health problems. What are the cause and what are some solution

#experts #people #exercise #time #friends #loneless #health
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Nowadays geriatric
people
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 suffer isolation and
health
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 issues
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to bygone days. In the past time, older
people
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 have
maintain
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maintained
show examples
 their physical and mental
health
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 by spending time not only
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 family and friends but
also
Linking Words
 for exercise.
This
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 essay will delve into
major
Correct article usage
the major
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 causes of
this
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 problem and put forward some practical
solution
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solutions
show examples
 to tackle it. First and
formost
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foremost
for most
, one obvious cause for the isolation of older
people
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 is the fast-paced lifestyle of family members. In detail, in
contemporary
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a contemporary
the contemporary
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 competitive world, new generations have hectic
lifestyle
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lifestyles
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,
therefore
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, they do not have time to
spent
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spend
show examples
 with their older relatives.
As a result
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
geriatric
people
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 have been
islolated
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isolated
 which is detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
health
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. To exemplify, a recent study indicated that
the
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apply
show examples
people
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 in
the
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apply
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old
age
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homes
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are feeling
Wrong verb form
feel
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 less
loneless
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lonely
 compared to the
people
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 who
living
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live
show examples
 with their
family
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families
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.
Besides
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,
lack
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the lack
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 of exercise
facilites
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facilities
 designed for elder
people
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 is contributing to the
health
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 issues of
the
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apply
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geratric
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geriatric
people
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. Since there is
designated
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a designated
show examples
 coach for
ealder
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older
elder
people
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,
sports
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 injuries are on the increase for them during exercise.
Nevetheless
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Nevertheless
, one of the practical
solution
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solutions
show examples
 to address the
lonleness
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loneliness
 of
the
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apply
show examples
older
people
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 is to promote old
age
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homes
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.
In other words
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, the authorities have the responsibility to take care
the
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of the
show examples
 senior citizens,
therefore
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, old
ages
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age
show examples
homes
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 should be facilitated to
tackele
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tackle
this
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 issue. Since these facilities
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apply
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they
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apply
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will have
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the same
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same
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the same
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age
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Fix the agreement mistake
peers
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peer
Fix the agreement mistake
peers
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, the senior
people
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 would not feel
lonleless
Correct your spelling
loneliness
.
Moreover
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, the authority not only
provide
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provides
show examples
 more
sports
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 facilities designed for elder
people
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 but
also
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appoint
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appoints
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 geriatric specialised trainers to
suppor
Correct your spelling
support
 their physical and mental well-being. In conclusion, nowadays senior
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 may feel
loneless
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lonely
 and
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health
Add a missing verb
have health
show examples
 issues
due to
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of interaction with busy relatives and lesser
facilites
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facilities
 for
sports
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. Ergo, the authorities should promote old
age
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homes
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 and
facilitiate
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facilitate
facilities
 to
sports
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centers
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centres
show examples
uniquily
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uniquely
 designed for geriatric
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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coherence cohesion
A clear structure of essays, which includes introduction, main paragraphs, and conclusion, is fundamental for achieving a higher score in coherence and cohesion. Consider using linking words and topic sentences to make the progression of ideas smoother and arguments more coherent.
task achievement
To address the task fully, you'll need to explore all parts of the prompt. Make sure to cover the causes and solutions equally, and develop your main ideas fully. Give specific examples to support your points, rather than general statements.
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