IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society?

#students #science #subjects #university #countries #effects #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
IN
THIS
Linking Words
 MODERN ERA,
SCIENCE
Use synonyms
 IS NOT PREFFERABLE BY MOST
STUDENTS
Use synonyms
 IN MANY SOCIETIES. IN MY OPINION, LOOKING FOR INTERESTING AND SIMPLE
SUBJECTS
Use synonyms
 BY
STUDENTS
Use synonyms
 IS DECREASING THE NUMBER OF
SCIENCE
Use synonyms
STUDENTS
Use synonyms
, AND THE NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES OF
THIS
Linking Words
 TREND CAN
CAUSE TO
Verb problem
apply
show examples
DIMINISH THE IQ LEVEL OF BOTH THE YOUNG AND
COUNTRIES
Use synonyms
 AND CAN AFFECT
TO SOLVE
Change the verb form
SOLVING
show examples
 THE PROBLEMS IN STATES. FIRST AND FOREMOST, THE MOST CRUCIAL REASONS FOR
THIS
Linking Words
 ISSUE CAN BE CONSIDERING
SCIENCE
Use synonyms
SUBJECTS
Use synonyms
 BORING AND
UNNECCESSARY
Correct your spelling
UNNECESSARY
.
THAT IS
Linking Words
DUE TO
Linking Words
 THE FACT THAT INCREASING IN
A
Correct article usage
THE
show examples
 NUMBER OF ENGINEERING, MEDICAL, AND BUSINESS
STUDENTS
Use synonyms
 INFLUENCES THE
SCIENCE
Use synonyms
STUDENTS
Use synonyms
.
ACCORDING TO
Linking Words
 THE RESEARCH FROM MICHIGAN STATE UNIVERSITY, PROFESSORS INFORM THAT MOST OF THE
STUDENTS
Use synonyms
 WHO STUDY
IN
Change preposition
apply
show examples
OTHER
SUBJECTS
Use synonyms
 OFTEN RECOMMEND TO
SCIENCE
Use synonyms
STUDENTS
Use synonyms
 THAT THEY SHOULD TEND TO OTHER
SUBJECTS
Use synonyms
 WHICH OFFER INTERESTING LESSONS AND BRIGHT FUTURE;
THIS
Linking Words
 FACTOR TRIGGERS DROPS IN THE NUMBER OF
SCIENCE
Use synonyms
STUDENTS
Use synonyms
 IN UNIVERSITIES.
IN ADDITION
Linking Words
, TODAY,
SCIENCE
Use synonyms
 IS CONSIDERED ONE OF THE MOST DIFFICULT
SUBJECTS
Use synonyms
, AND THESE DISCOURSES FRIGHTEN
STUDENTS
Use synonyms
 TO CHOOSE THAT BRANCH OF
SCIENCE
Use synonyms
. REGARDING ITS EFFECTS, IT CAUSES STAGNATION IN THE
GROWING
Replace the word
GROWTH
show examples
 OF MORE INTELLIGENT
STUDENTS
Use synonyms
 WHO TEND TO STUDY
SCIENCE
Use synonyms
 AND CAN HAVE NEGATIVE RESULTS FOR SOCIETIES.
THAT IS
Linking Words
 BECAUSE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN
COUNTRIES
Use synonyms
 STUDY
SCIENCE
Use synonyms
 AND EVEN THEY CAN GIVE SOME PIECES OF ADVICE TO THE STATEMEN, BOTH WITH THEIR MILITARY KNOWLEDGE AND ECONOMICALLY.
FOR INSTANCE
Linking Words
, IN WW1, PEOPLE WHO STUDIED
SCIENCE
Use synonyms
HAD
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
PLAYED A CRUCIAL ROLE IN THE MILITARY ATTACKS, AND ,
BESIDES
Linking Words
 THAT, THEY TRIED TO SOLVE
ECONOMIC
Correct article usage
THE ECONOMIC
show examples
 PROBLEMS OF AUTHORITIES.
THUS
Linking Words
, ENEMY
COUNTRIES
Use synonyms
 KILLED THOUSANDS OF
SCIENCE
Use synonyms
STUDENTS
Use synonyms
 FROM EACH
OTHERS
Change to a singular noun
OTHER
show examples
. IN SUM,
ALTHOUGH
Linking Words
 IT CAN SEEM THAT
SCIENCE
Use synonyms
 IS UNIMPORTANT FOR
COMMUNUTIES
Correct your spelling
COMMUNITIES
, WITHOUT THEIR HELP, MOST OF THE ISSUES MIGHT BECOME UNCLEAR FOR
COUNTRIES
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by asgerlituran35 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

presentation
Avoid typing in all caps, as it can make the essay difficult to read and gives the impression of shouting. Use sentence case for readability and to conform with standard writing conventions.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to develop a clear structure for your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be linked with cohesive devices.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples and explanations. Whenever you mention a study or a fact, provide details and references to strengthen your argument.
grammatical range accuracy
Be careful with spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Errors in these areas can make your essay difficult to understand and detract from your overall score.
task response
Try to paraphrase the task prompt in your introduction to show your understanding of the topic and to present your own thesis statement or main ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion should summarize the main points of the essay and provide a final thought or opinion on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Avoid overly complex or convoluted sentences. Instead, aim for clarity and conciseness in your writing to effectively convey your ideas.
task achievement
Expand on the effects of the issue at hand by discussing long-term societal impacts, providing more depth and a broader perspective.
task achievement
Be mindful of overgeneralizations. Ensure that your arguments are balanced by acknowledging different viewpoints and responding to the essay question in a nuanced way.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deter
  • promotion
  • opportunities
  • role models
  • lucrative
  • employment
  • gender stereotypes
  • societal norms
  • access to information
  • technological stagnation
  • shortage
  • skilled professionals
  • innovation
  • healthcare sector
  • workforce
  • global competitiveness
  • advancements
  • economic growth
  • public health services
  • environmental sciences
  • combat climate change
What to do next:
Look at other essays: