IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development?

#people #surgery #appearance #operation #change #development
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THE TREND OF HAVING AESTHETICS ON THE PARTS OF
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
'S BODIES TO MAKE A FAVOURABLE APPEARANCE ARE BECOMING MORE POPULAR. IF SOMEONE UNDERGO
THIS
Linking Words
 OPERATION TO CHANGE THEIR OUTLOOKS, IT ENCOURAGES OTHERS TO GET PLEASING OUTWARD FORM FOR BOTH THEMSELVES AND OTHERS. IN MY VIEW, IT IS A NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT FOR HUMANITY, BECAUSE NOT ONLY
IT
Add a missing verb
DOES IT
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 DAMAGE
PEOPLE
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'S BUDGETS, BUT
ALSO
Linking Words
 IT HAS SOME DANGERS,
SUCH
Linking Words
 AS FAILURE IN OPERATION AND ENDING WITH DEATH. FIRST AND FOREMOST, AFTER MODIFICATIONS OF THE PART OF THE BODY, THEY CAN ATTRACT MORE
PEOPLE
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 COMPARED WITH THEIR PREVIOUS APPEARANCES;
HOWEVER
Linking Words
,IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT
SURGERY
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 MAY BECOME SUCCESSFUL AND ANY FAILURE WILL NOT HAPPEN DURING THE OPERATION.
THAT IS
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DUE TO
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 THE FACT THAT RISES IN DEMANDS FOR AESTHETIC OPERATIONS CAUSE THE APPEARANCE OF ILLITERATE COLLEGES AND MANY PROBLEMS IN
SURGERY
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.
ACCORDING TO
Linking Words
 RESEARCH FROM COSMETICS CLINICS IN NEW YORK, SOME OF THE
SURGERY
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 CANNOT BE CONTROLLED BY DOCTORS BECAUSE OF SOME MISTAKES.
IN ADDITION
Linking Words
, TODAY, INCREASING THE NUMBER OF GOING UNDER THE KNIFE IS BECOMING A NORMAL ACT FOR MOST
PEOPLE
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 AND FOR THAT REASON, IT TRIGGERS TO OTHER FOR MAKING COSMETIC
SURGERY
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.
FURTHERMORE
Linking Words
, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS ARE SPENT ON
THIS
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 SECTOR BY INDIVIDUALS.
THAT IS
Linking Words
 BECAUSE
,
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apply
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 MOST OF THE
PEOPLE
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 ARE IN SEARCH OF BEAUTY AND SOME FACTORS CAUSE RISES.
FOR INSTANCE
Linking Words
, FAKE ADVERTISEMENTS, SITES AND FALSE INFORMATION DAMAGE TO BOTH
PEOPLE
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 AND THEIR BUDGET.
THUS
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, IF
PEOPLE
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 DESIRE TO HAVE COSMETIC
SURGERY
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, THEY SHOULD BE INTERESTED IN WHICH DOCTORS ARE RECOMMENDED OR WHO HAVE SEVERAL SUCCESSFUL EXPERIMENTS. IN SUM,
ALTHOUGH
Linking Words
 MOST
PEOPLE
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 HAVE ENTHUSIASM FOR CHANGING THEIR OUTSIDE APPEARANCES, MANY
PEOPLE
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 WITNESS AWFUL RESULTS
INSTEAD
Linking Words
 OF GORGEOUS MIEN.
Submitted by asgerlituran35 on

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structure
Firstly, ensure you provide a clear introductive paragraph and a conclusive paragraph to frame your thoughts. Further, the main points need to be supported with relevant examples and facts, instead of generalized statements.
coherence
Organize your essay in a logical manner, using clear paragraphing and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea. The flow between paragraphs can be improved with better use of linking words and phrases.
task response
Ensure that the response fully addresses all parts of the task, including the reasons why cosmetic surgery is becoming popular and your opinion on whether this is a positive or negative development. Support your ideas with specific examples and develop your arguments further to meet the task response requirements.
language use
Try to use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to make your essay more interesting and nuanced. Avoid repetition and make use of synonyms where possible.
presentation
Avoid typing in all capital letters as it can be perceived as shouting and makes the text harder to read. Using standard capitalization will improve the readability of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Idealized beauty standards
  • Cosmetic surgery
  • Advancements in medical technology
  • Socially acceptable
  • Self-improvement
  • Psychological well-being
  • Competitive workforce
  • Youthful appearance
  • Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD)
  • Physical appearance
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