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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
Due to
 the arrival of new technologies, our world changed beyond
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recognition in the period from 1990 to modern days.
Consequently
, it led to a rise in countries with developed economies where everybody has access to all amenities and services, so inequality and poverty are no longer issues.
This
 situation has raised the question of whether it is worth trying to change one’s life for better conditions (money, job, position), or whether acceptance is the key option. It is generally accepted that if a person does not have a passion for a particular work he is doing or his income is far from the desirable one it is much better to resign doing anything against it. For one reason a job or
overall
 earnings can be usually misinterpreted as
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
purposes
Fix the agreement mistake
purpose
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 for living,
however
, they are certainly not.
On the contrary
, many claim that it is love or finding beauty everywhere and enjoying the moment that makes anybody happier regardless of the money he or she possesses. Apart from that, some people just dream of changing their career or a certain position for the better, not doing anything helpful.
For instance
, it might be burnout or poor motivation that stops them from the best living.
Moreover
, if they already have a family, it is necessary to take care of them, so applying for another job is associated with huge risk.
On the other hand
, many personalities, including me, are strongly convinced that the play is worth the candles. First and foremost, embracing a new challenge is a wholesome concept for anybody as it improves tenacity and makes human beings more resistant and laborious. What is more, even if no success is gained
such
 taken path can be a great source of experience both for other people and for oneself. It is undeniable that risk does not always pay off, and just as the main character of the novel ‘Flying over the Cookoo’s Nest’ said: ‘At least I tried’. That really means that it is worth to tackle some obstacles. In conclusion, I should restate that I truly support the idea of trying to change the existing circumstances for the better, even though it will not be a success.
Submitted by pshenichnikov03 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your essay, it's essential to connect your ideas more clearly and coherently. Use linking words and phrases to show the relationship between paragraphs and within your arguments. Making a clear outline before writing can also help to structure your essay more logically.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarize the essay's discussion and your stance. The conclusion should reflect upon the arguments given, not introduce new information.
coherence cohesion
Each main point should be clearly stated and then expanded upon with supporting sentences. Use specific examples to illustrate and support your opinions and arguments, as this will make them more persuasive and compelling.
task achievement
To fully satisfy the task, be sure to address all parts of the question. Develop your ideas comprehensively, making sure that your opinion is clear and substantiated by the main body of the essay.
task achievement
Your ideas need to be expressed more clearly and directly. Work on your sentence structure and make sure each sentence contributes to the overall point you are trying to make.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Examples help to demonstrate the realism and applicability of your points, and they provide concrete support for your assertions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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