Some people believe that the country would benefit a lot from a large number of young people who enter into university; however, others think that the large number of people receiving the education of university only leads to graduate unemployment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many Individuals think that the country would benefit from a large
number
of young
people
who enter
university
. Others assume the large
number
of
people
studying at
university
will cause unemployment graduate. I strongly believe that a huge quantity of young
people
who decide to continue their tertiary
education
at
university
will have positive and negative impacts. I personally think that a
university
education
is still crucial for young
people
but it must have a guarantee to be accompanied by additional skills. On one hand, increasing
University
enrollment provides a positive side
such
as a skilled workforce. A higher
number
graduates
Change preposition
of graduates
show examples
contribute to the
number
of human resources which are more skilled and educated. They
also
bring specialized knowledge
that is
potentially important in order to create innovation and enhance productivity.
In addition
,
university
education
can enhance economic growth. Because more educated
people
earn
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
salary, influences consumer spending and economic activity.
Moreover
, many of them decide to start businesses and create job opportunities.
University
education
also
can be a great tool for developing social mobility.
On the other hand
, the large
number
of young
people
entering
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
university
also
leads to negative impacts
such
as graduate unemployment. It resulted from mismatches
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
the skills required in the workplace with the knowledge that we receive from the
university
.
In addition
,
this
case
also
causes financial strain. Enrolling on
university
requires several fees
for example
tuition fees, living expenses and other students' daily needs. In conclusion, enrolling on tertiary
education
at the
university
has benefits and drawbacks side.
However
, a
university
education
is still essential for young
people
in order to arrange their career path, but they must be equipped with skills and competencies that
potentially
Add a missing verb
are potentially
show examples
required in the job market.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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logical structure
Make sure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should set the context for the discussion and outline the main points you will address. Each body paragraph should focus on a single main point. The conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your opinion.
logical structure
Transition words and phrases should be used to show the relationship between your ideas and to guide the reader through your argument. This includes not only signaling when you are contrasting viewpoints but also when you are providing additional information or examples.
supported main points
To strengthen your argument, provide clear and detailed examples that support your main points. Avoid general statements, and instead offer specific evidence or illustrations to back up your points. This adds credibility to your writing and makes your essay more persuasive.
complete response
Address the essay prompt fully by ensuring you discuss both views provided as well as clearly stating your own opinion. Make sure that your response is complete and that the essay provides a clear line of reasoning from the introduction through to the conclusion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that your ideas are comprehensive, clear, and developed throughout the essay. Each body paragraph should include a central idea followed by explanations or arguments that elaborate on that point. Avoid superficial or undeveloped statements.
relevant specific examples
Use relevant examples to support your points. The examples should be specific, detailed, and directly connected to the points being made. Examples can come from your own experiences, observations, or from credible sources.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • economic growth
  • research and development
  • competitive
  • global stage
  • quality of life
  • critical thinking skills
  • worldview
  • oversupply
  • job market mismatch
  • graduate unemployment
  • underemployment
  • vocational training
  • technical skills
  • skilled trades
  • functional workforce
  • balanced approach
  • aligning education
  • market needs
  • diverse educational pathways
  • lifelong learning
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