In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing.What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.

In
this
day and age,
people
expect to live longer than past increased ageing population.
Although
it has numerous negative consequences, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
varied pathways to solve
this
problem. By increasing the average life expectancy, some negative impacts are mentioned. On the one hand, if the number of old
people
increase
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increases
show examples
, young adult
people
will damage their future and present life.
Elderly
Correct article usage
The elderly
show examples
needs
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need
show examples
to care
and
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for and
show examples
health condition, so
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
should take care of them. It is true that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
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apply
show examples
adult workers spend endless hours
on
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in
show examples
their workplace
for
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to
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pay
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
taxes and life
expenditure
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditures
show examples
. If they have
a
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an
show examples
ageing member in their family, they will spend a lot of money and time on keeping them healthy and safe which will not have a
saving
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savings
show examples
budget for their future or advancement. On the other, the government take a lot of taxes to reconstruct the
country
. If workers get old and
retirement
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retire
show examples
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
will
be faced
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face
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lack
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a lack
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of force workers in order to
development
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develop
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and money-making.
Finally
, the growth of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
is
stoped
Correct your spelling
stopped
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or gotten slow. The government play
vital
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a vital
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role in solving
this
problem. First of all, the
country
’s gate should be opened to other nationalities. Some
visa
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visas
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like
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for
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studying, working, and visiting
are give
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are given
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to other countries
people
who want to
migration
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migrate
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, easily. The taxes
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
taken from them can be spent
in
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on
show examples
different aspects of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
.
For instance
, establish some hospitals for
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
group
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groups
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specially
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especially
show examples
with
a
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apply
show examples
free insurance for them, or dedicate some budget to young
people
for better
job
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jobs
show examples
and education which is effective for
progresses
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progress
signs of progress
show examples
of
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
.
Secondly
, if the government do not have any choices, some benefit roles should be set for immigrants like marriage conditions.
For example
, they provide some
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
in order to marriage and
born
Verb problem
give birth to
show examples
a baby in the
country
that leads immigrants to get their permanent residency or passport in 2 years
instead
of 5 years
time-taking
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. In conclusion, there are border methods that
are prevented
Wrong verb form
prevent
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society from ageing or reducing the impacts of
this
trend which leads society to improvement and growth.
Submitted by dayansabet on

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Coherence/Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on better connecting your ideas and ensuring that each paragraph flows logically into the next. Use a range of linking words and phrases to create clearer connections between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, try to maintain a clear overarching structure that guides the reader smoothly from introduction to conclusion.
Task Achievement
For task achievement, make sure that you fully address all parts of the prompt. Your essay touches on the key issues related to an ageing population, but your response could be more comprehensive. Elaborate on specific examples and ensure that your suggestions are detailed and direct responses to the problems highlighted. Moreover, development of ideas needs more depth and consideration. Be careful to consistently develop each point with explanations and examples that relate directly to the question.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average life expectancy
  • developed world
  • increase
  • individuals
  • society
  • personal goals
  • ambitions
  • quality of life
  • leisure
  • recreation
  • healthcare costs
  • challenges
  • healthcare system
  • ageing population
  • shortage
  • available workers
  • economy
  • retirement planning
  • healthy lifestyles
  • investing
  • social support systems
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