There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

are considered compulsory in most schools in Indonesia,

therefore

Linking Words

there are mixed feelings regarding it. I believe that these

subjects

Use synonyms

should not be removed from the school syllabus for several reasons.

First,

Linking Words

non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

increase students' soft

skills

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, learning how to work in a team and improving coordination through physical education and sports. It is without a doubt that soft

skills

Use synonyms

are as important as hard

skills

Use synonyms

Second,

Linking Words

these

subjects

Use synonyms

help to reduce stress and improve mental health quality. If

for instance

Linking Words

non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

are removed, students will be too stressed with homework and exams, ultimately having no time for exercise and doing any hobby of theirs. In conclusion, from my personal experience, I believe that there are more benefits in non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

than drawbacks.

Therefore

Linking Words

, schools should not remove these

subjects

Use synonyms

for the sake of improving the mental health and soft

skills

Use synonyms

of the students.

Submitted by tiana29.alisjahbana on Sat Feb 10 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Provide a brief summary of your argument directly answering the question in the introduction to improve task response.

task achievement

Expand your arguments with more distinct, detailed examples for each point to enhance the clarity and relevance of your ideas.

coherence cohesion

To improve the logical structure, ensure your essay has a clear introductory statement, followed by body paragraphs each dedicated to one main idea, and a concise conclusion that reiterates your stance.

coherence cohesion

Utilize a variety of cohesive devices and topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to enhance the flow of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Support your main points with specific examples or data where possible, to add weight to your arguments and improve coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

150 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some people think that we should replace old buildings and houses in cities with more modern buildings. Other people think we should protect old buildings. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Many thought that ancient buildings and houses should be upgraded into modern buildings while building more of this kind in urban areas. On the other hand, some of them debate that old buildings should be kept. Although, these both of view is contrary from each other, but it will give it's own advantage.
6
band
Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.
It is a common belief that technology is uniting humanity, others however, think that it is steering people from each other. This essay will argue that despite the possibility of technology tearing close relationships apart, it also could make distance relations closer than ever.
7
band
In some countries owning a home rather than renting one is considered very important what are the causes of this? Is this a positive or negative development?
In many countries, people prefer to buy a house rather than renting. I believe that owning a property is a sign of positive development for most countries and people feel more secure to work their whole life for something that lasts through time.
6.5
band
Write about the following topic: Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
The debate over whether girls and boys should be taught in separate or common buildings is ongoing. Some argue that there should be some kind of differentiation, while others believe it is better for children to learn together from a young age. This essay will discuss both arguments and present my personal view at the end.
7
band
It is said that advertisement is not always necessary because consumers anyway buy the product if a product has very good quality.To what extent,do you agree with this statement?
Nowadays,Due to the ability to attract potential customers,Advertisements are widespread and proliferative.However, critics argue that if merchandise has value in itself,advertisement will not be vital.From my perspective,I disagree with this statement for various reasons which will be outlined in the following paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

In some countries owning a home rather than renting one is considered very important what are the causes of this? Is this a positive or negative development?

It is said that advertisement is not always necessary because consumers anyway buy the product if a product has very good quality.To what extent,do you agree with this statement?