Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case?Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Technology specifically
smartphones
is a big revolution in this
era and aspects of using it beyond the bad ones.Despite of using it can improve life quality,for majoirty
of Correct your spelling
majority
children
should be limited to
doesn’t have Change preposition
so
negative
effect on them.Is limitation a good choice rather than Add an article
a negative
control
them to Wrong verb form
controlling
don’t
get involved too much in Verb problem
not
smartphones
?.
Change the punctuation
?
This
essay will identify the reasons why using too much of smartphones
could be harmful for
Change the preposition
to
children
.
Firstly
,less communication and after that less
Change the quantifier
fewer
firendships
in Correct your spelling
friendships
friendship
real
world Add an article
the real
for example
play
in a park with a friend is the first aspect of Wrong verb form
playing
smartphones
addiction.Playing games and wasting time Change the noun form
smartphone
in
social Change preposition
on
medias
are Correct your spelling
media
the
examples of addiction Correct article usage
apply
of
Change preposition
to
smartphones
could be dangerous for their health and mindset of life.Parents should increase their children
awareness of how wasting their time using Change noun form
children's
smartphones
can damage their childhood and also
their mindset in Correct article usage
the longterm
longterm
.
Correct your spelling
long term
Furthermore
,focus
on Wrong verb form
focusing
smartphone
rather than Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
study
or school may Wrong verb form
studying
also
hurt the children
Change noun form
children's
mind
as they feel disappointed if they get a bad score.Correct subject-verb agreement
minds
However
,in many cases
school lessons are boring for Add a comma
cases,
children
and they don’t know the importance of learning those
.Schools and parents should have a plan for Correct pronoun usage
them
children
to aware
of their priorities in their lives to get Add a missing verb
be aware
along with
both study
well and using Replace the word
studying
smartphones
.
Lastly
,using smartphones
hours
Change preposition
for hours
everyday
is Replace the word
every day
opposite
of letting them know what talent they have and what is their real interest in some sections Correct article usage
the opposite
such
as art and sports.Moreover
,children
must have the experience of getting involved in helpful classes in sports and art to know their real interest
.Interested in a specific class which is helpful in the mentioned ones could be a motivation for them to spend Fix the agreement mistake
interests
smartphones
Change preposition
on smartphones
less
.
Correct quantifier usage
apply
To conclude
,there are several effects of smartphones
addiction in Change the noun form
smartphone
children
such
as less friendship,low score
in school and preventing Fix the agreement mistake
scores
Correct pronoun usage
them to
to know
their real Change preposition
from knowing
interest
.Awareness that parents and schools can make in their Fix the agreement mistake
interests
mind
could be helpful.Fix the agreement mistake
minds
Submitted by bahram.azizzade on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
Your essay addresses the topic but needs to clearly answer both questions posed. You discussed the negative aspects but did not address whether it's a positive or negative development comprehensively. Also, provide a clear position statement in your introduction.
coherence and cohesion
The essay needs a clearer structure with distinct paragraphs for introduction, main points with examples, and a conclusion. Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.