Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case?Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

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Technology specifically

smartphones

is a big revolution in

this

era and aspects of using it beyond the bad ones.Despite of using it can improve life quality,for

majoirty

Correct your spelling

majority

children

should be limited

Change preposition

show examples

doesn’t have

negative

Add an article

a negative

show examples

effect on them.Is limitation a good choice rather than

control

Wrong verb form

controlling

show examples

them to

don’t

Verb problem

not

show examples

get involved too much in

smartphones

Change the punctuation

show examples

This

essay will identify the reasons why using too much of

smartphones

could be harmful

for

Change the preposition

show examples

children

Firstly

,less communication and after that

less

Change the quantifier

fewer

show examples

firendships

Correct your spelling

friendships

friendship

real

Add an article

the real

show examples

world

for example

play

Wrong verb form

playing

show examples

in a park with a friend is the first aspect of

smartphones

Change the noun form

smartphone

show examples

addiction.Playing games and wasting time

Change preposition

show examples

social

medias

Correct your spelling

media

show examples

are

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

examples of addiction

Change preposition

show examples

smartphones

could be dangerous for their health and mindset of life.Parents should increase their

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

awareness of how wasting their time using

smartphones

can damage their childhood and

also

their mindset in

Correct article usage

the longterm

show examples

longterm

Correct your spelling

long term

show examples

Furthermore

focus

Wrong verb form

focusing

show examples

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

rather than

study

Wrong verb form

studying

show examples

or school may

also

hurt the

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

mind

Correct subject-verb agreement

minds

show examples

as they feel disappointed if they get a bad score.

However

,in many

cases

Add a comma

cases,

show examples

school lessons are boring for

children

and they don’t know the importance of learning

those

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

.Schools and parents should have a plan for

children

aware

Add a missing verb

be aware

show examples

of their priorities in their lives to get

along with

both

study

Replace the word

studying

show examples

well and using

smartphones

Lastly

,using

smartphones

hours

Change preposition

for hours

show examples

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

opposite

Correct article usage

the opposite

show examples

of letting them know what talent they have and what is their real interest in some sections

such

as art and sports.

Moreover

children

must have the experience of getting involved in helpful classes in sports and art to know their real

interest

Fix the agreement mistake

interests

show examples

.Interested in a specific class which is helpful in the mentioned ones could be a motivation for them to spend

smartphones

Change preposition

on smartphones

show examples

less

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

To conclude

,there are several effects of

smartphones

Change the noun form

smartphone

show examples

addiction in

children

such

as less friendship,low

score

Fix the agreement mistake

scores

show examples

in school and preventing

Correct pronoun usage

them to

show examples

to know

Change preposition

from knowing

show examples

their real

interest

Fix the agreement mistake

interests

show examples

.Awareness that parents and schools can make in their

mind

Fix the agreement mistake

minds

show examples

could be helpful.

Submitted by bahram.azizzade on Sun Feb 11 2024

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task response

Your essay addresses the topic but needs to clearly answer both questions posed. You discussed the negative aspects but did not address whether it's a positive or negative development comprehensively. Also, provide a clear position statement in your introduction.

coherence and cohesion

The essay needs a clearer structure with distinct paragraphs for introduction, main points with examples, and a conclusion. Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
40
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

314 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case?Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

Many governments think that economics progress is there most important goal some people fieber think that other type of progress are equally important for a country discuss both views and give your opinion

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

Living in a country where you have to speak foreign language can cause serious social problems as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Most schools give their students grades based on their performance. Why do so many schools utilize this method of student evaluation? In what ways does this affect students?

The spread of urban areas has led to deforestation and has caused many animal species to become endangered. Environmental groups are urging governments to protect these animals. What are the benefits of protecting animals? What can governments do to protect animals?