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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
Technology specifically
smartphones
 is a big revolution in
this
 era and aspects of using it beyond the bad ones. Despite of using it can improve life quality, for majority of
children
 should be limited to not have negative effects on them. Is limitation a good choice rather than controlling them to not get involved too much in
smartphones
?
This
 essay will identify the reasons why using too much of
smartphones
 could be harmful to
children
.
Firstly
, less communication and after that fewer friendships in the real world
for example
 playing in a park with a friend is the first aspect of smartphone addiction. Playing games and wasting time on social media are examples of addiction to
smartphones
 could be dangerous for their health and mindset of life. Parents should increase their
children
’s awareness of how wasting their time using
smartphones
 can damage their childhood and
also
 their mindset in the long term.
Furthermore
, focusing on
smartphones
 rather than studying or school may
also
 hurt the
children
’s minds as they feel disappointed if they get a bad score.
However
, in many cases, school lessons are boring for
children
 and they don’t know the importance of learning them. Schools and parents should have a plan for
children
 to be aware of their priorities in their lives to get
along with
 both studying well and using
smartphones
.
Lastly
, using
smartphones
 for hours every day is the opposite of letting them know what talent they have and what is their real interest in some sections
such
 as art and sports.
Moreover
,
children
 must have the experience of getting involved in helpful classes in sports and art to know their real interests. Interested in a specific class
that is
 helpful in the mentioned ones could be a motivation for them to spend on
smartphones
 less.
To conclude
, there are several effects of smartphone addiction in
children
such
 as less friendship, low scores in school, and preventing them from knowing their real interest. Awareness that parents and schools can make in their minds could be helpful.
Submitted by bahram.azizzade on

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Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the topic, but it could be improved by concentrating on answering the exact questions posed. Specifically, you need to clarify why children spend hours on their smartphones and whether it's a positive or negative development. Make sure each paragraph consistently addresses these questions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your ideas more clearly to improve the logical flow of your essay. Introduce each main point in its own paragraph and provide clear topic sentences. Use cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between paragraphs more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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