IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that academic subjects like math and science are more important than arts and music. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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One
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 of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that
math
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 and
science
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 are an essential part of life,
while
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 other people are beginning to realize that
math
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 and
science
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 are more necessary than art and music.
However
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, I completely agree with
this
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 opinion and consider that
math
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 and
science
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 offer significant benefits to the
world
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.
Firstly
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, it is well known that
math
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 and
science
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 assist to develop. What I mean here is that all new technologies are created by
math
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 and
science
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.
One
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 of the main reasons is that with these
subjects
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scientists
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 expand our knowledge about the
world
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.
For example
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, exploring the cosmos needs
math
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 and
science
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, without them, it will be difficult to explain.
Scientists
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 explore space,
one
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 could know about when will be global warming which is beneficial data.
Additionally
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, academic
subjects
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 are not only for exploration and study but
also
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 for aid.
Scientists
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 create medication which is able to cure fatal diseases.
On the other hand
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, it can
also
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 be argued that academic
subjects
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 give the
world
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 a comfortable living environment. Take it to say, that legendary
scientists
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 chance
this
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world
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 with their projects.
For instance
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, Nikolia Tesla who had generated energy, and with
this
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 people could live in light rooms,
instead
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 of candles, which were used in the past.
Scientists
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 make our lifestyle easier.
Furthermore
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, Ones produced the internet which allows
one
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 to maintain communication over a long distance. It was an excellent project that helped to enhance opportunities for communication between people. In conclusion, I would argue that academic
subjects
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 are more significant than art and music because these
subjects
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 enhance knowledge about the population and a new project which develops the
world
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Try to provide a more balanced view by addressing counterarguments more thoroughly or acknowledging the importance of arts and music in your conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for minor grammatical errors for clarity, such as 'assist to develop' which might sound better as 'assist in development'.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs to guide the reader. For example, when introducing the second point, say, 'Moreover' or 'In addition' instead of 'On the other hand'.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position, which is essential for task achievement.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples demonstrating the impact of math and science on society, which supports your main points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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