People who go to live in other countries, should follow the customs and traditions of the new country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some
people
argue that individuals who migrate to a new
place
should follow the practices and rituals which are native to that
place
.I completely agree with
this
opinion that
people
should follow the
traditions
of a new area where they
move
. First of all,
follow
Wrong verb form
following
show examples
the
traditions
of a new
place
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
us to mitigate the feelings of isolation but
also
a way of showing respect
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
beliefs.
For example
, if you
move
to a
country
like Australia where
christmas
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Christmas
show examples
is celebrated with pomp and show, and when you
also
take part in these festivals preparation you
not
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do not
did not
show examples
feel
lonliness
Correct your spelling
loneliness
in a new
place
.
Moreover
, it is
also
a method of displaying esteem for their moral values.
For example
, a person who adopts the
culture
of a nation
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
the message that he
respect
Correct subject-verb agreement
respects
show examples
the practices and rituals innate to that
place
.
Thus
, following a
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
culture
assists in removing
lonelinesss
Correct your spelling
loneliness
and
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
a way to show respect for their
traditions
.
Secondly
, if
people
follow the migrating
country
values it will assist them in building strong
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
with others and
also
provide more career opportunities.
To begin
with, when
people
try to absorb
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other cultures they get a chance to meet new
people
and they make friends
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
new
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
immeditely
Correct your spelling
immediately
.
This
, in turn, will result in more employment opportunities as well.
Furthermore
, when individuals mix with the
country
culture
where they
move
it will
also
help them to increase their social circle and more jobs available to them as compared to those
people
who remain isolated.
For instance
, American research shows that
people
who diffuse
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
other
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
have
less
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fewer
show examples
feelings of
home sickness
Correct your spelling
homesickness
show examples
than those who do not adopt.
Therefore
, adopting new
place
practices
also
assist
Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
show examples
in making new friends and finding more jobs. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
believe that following a new
place
Change noun form
place's
show examples
culture
and
traditions
only
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
benefits like, making new friends, more employment opportunities and no feelings of isolation.
However
, we should not forget
thier
Correct your spelling
their
own customs
while
move
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moving
show examples
to a new
country
.
Submitted by kashif.gujjar0700 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear overall progression, with paragraphs logically flowing from one to the next. Use a variety of linking words effectively to connect ideas.
Task Response
Develop your main points with a mix of general statements and specific details. Providing concrete examples can enhance your argument and make the essay more persuasive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural assimilation
  • integration
  • traditions
  • customs
  • identity
  • diversity
  • tolerance
  • heritage
  • intercultural
  • enrichment
  • alienate
  • segregate
  • dialogue
  • uniformity
  • assimilate
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