IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think I school graduate should travel or work for a period of time. Instead of going directly to the study at university discuss the advantages and disadvantages of both approaches. Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge

#people #school #graduate #travel #work #period #time #study #university #approaches #reason
Most people think that students should take a break after the completion of their high school to travel or work and start their tertiary education.
This
 essay will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks of
this
 debate.
To begin
 with, stopping studying for some interval of time can allow a citizen to do things which can help them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
gain some interesting experiences which they cannot do
while
 studying.
Moreover
, travelling and exploring things can
also
 reduce mental pressure.
In addition
, working helps to save some money for future education.
For instance
, in India, 60% of the volunteers work after their high school to get admission to one of the top universities in India.
On the other hand
, there are some drawbacks of
this
 phenomenon
Firstly
, pausing
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 study for a
while
, can change people's interest mindset towards it. They may lose interest in their studies
Furthermore
, they may get more attracted towards the small amount of money they earn.
According to
 the survey by volunteers in Sydney, shows that 70% of the people who pause their study, for some interval of time lose their interest in learning.
To conclude
 , the gap between high school and tertiary education could be highly beneficial for an individual if used in a good way.
Otherwise
, it can lead to unpredictable consequences.
Submitted by khushmankaur2911 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction
Ensure the introduction provides a clear outline of what the essay will cover. The thesis statement should be explicit.
coherence
Use a range of linking words to connect ideas within and across paragraphs, and to create a more cohesive argument.
cohesion
Develop your main points with clear supporting details and examples to strengthen arguments.
task achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the task equally to achieve a well-balanced response.
examples
Include more relevant specific examples to support your points for a stronger argument.
conclusion
Aim to write a conclusion that not only summarizes the main points but also clearly states your position.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: