IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Companies use a variety of methods to improve the sales of their products. What are those methods? Which is the most effective method?

#companies #variety #methods #sales #products #method
Some
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
 types of methods
are being using
Change the verb form
are being used
show examples
 by factories to increase
sale
Correct article usage
the sale
show examples
 rate of their
products
.
Firstly
this
 essay will discuss how using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
TV advertising and
secondly
, will discuss the social media can be the most effective way of marketing tool. On the one hand, businesses rely on advertisements
such
 as, on TV, social media or on billboards. These can be well-known
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
products
 on sale rate. One of the most popular
method
Change to a plural noun
methods
show examples
 is
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
TV commercials because often feature
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
famous actors or well-known
persons
Replace the word
people
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. They try to persuade people to these
products
who
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 get some money for
this
advertise
Replace the word
advertising
show examples
as a result
 their fans follow and endorse their favourite actor.
This
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
buy
Change the verb form
buying
show examples
products
 that they are endorsing.
For example
, a report by a company in the year 2000 revealed that their
products
 were sold
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 an all-time high when they
have choose
Wrong verb form
chose
show examples
 Cristiano Ronaldo as an endorser. On the other hand, the most effective and modern method is online advertisements
such
 as,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Correct article usage
the Google
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Google
Change noun form
Google's
show examples
 platform. In
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
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, companies spend billions
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
 type of advertising. The factories
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 use
this
 method do many sells
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to others because teenagers and adults always download a lot of applications through Google or Play market and they always watch the
advertises
Replace the word
advertisements
show examples
 which were uploaded and bought by the
boss
Fix the agreement mistake
bosses
show examples
 of companies.
For example
,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research by an advertising company the telegram application was downloaded by billions of citizens in 2000 and
this
 shows that they watch advertisements one another. In conclusion, the use of social media as
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
advertising was an effective way in 2000 in some parts of
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
.
Submitted by Azizbek on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure you have an introduction that clearly outlines the points you will discuss. Currently, the introduction is missing a clear thesis statement, and the final conclusion could be stronger by summarizing the main points discussed.
logical structure
Provide a clearer logical structure to ensure the essay flows naturally from one point to the next. Use connective words and phrases to help guide the reader through the argument.
supported main points
Support your main points with specific examples and data to make them more compelling. Additionally, make sure to provide explanations on how the examples support your claims.
complete response
Fully address all parts of the prompt by discussing different methods to improve sales and identifying which one is the most effective. Be sure to explain why it is considered the most effective.
clear comprehensive ideas
Express your ideas clearly and with sufficient detail. Avoid general statements and ensure that your ideas are developed comprehensively.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate relevant and specific examples to back up your claims about the effectiveness of advertising methods. Make sure these examples are up-to-date and accurately reflect current trends.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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