IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many places women are taking jobs which are traditionally done by men. What do you think made these changes happen? What’s your opinion about it?

#places #women #jobs #men #changes #what’s
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In
this
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 era of equality and conservative gender roles, females are stepping out to do all types of
jobs
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 that were previously assigned to males only. Inflation and awareness are the two prominent factors behind
this
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 tremendous transition, and personally believe that it is the cornerstone in the development of any nation. It is irrefutable that inflation is at its peak these days, and both genders need to work to afford the luxurious lifestyle of their dreams.
Due to
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this
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,
women
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 are ready to take taking participation in all kinds of
jobs
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, from office to heavy lifting to financially support their families.
For example
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, agriculture occupation was only for males in ancient India;
however
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, modern Indian
women
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 are doing farming and generating dramatic revenue.
Besides
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this
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, people are significantly aware in recent times compared to the past because of the acceleration recorded in the literacy rate. So, education plays an indispensable part in breaking the tradition of sex-oriented
jobs
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.
Consequently
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, aspirants are aware of equality and human rights.
Thus
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,
women
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do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not show reluctance in joining
jobs
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 that were meant for men only. In my opinion,
this
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 scenario not only brings a sense of equality but
also
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 helps in vanishing discrimination based on gender.
Moreover
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, the trend of working
women
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 in all sectors contributes to the revenue of a country without any negative impact.
Therefore
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, it is a positive trend which is lucrative in the long term.
To conclude
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, undoubtedly modern
women
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 do not hesitate to do any task
such
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 as heavy lifting or general labour because of awareness and inflation, they are ready to give financial support to their families. I believe that it has several beneficial impacts including generating revenue for their countries.
Submitted by sdeepkaur9 on

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Task Achievement
Task Achievement: To improve, thoroughly address the prompt by ensuring that your essay covers all aspects of the question comprehensively. While your essay attempts to answer the prompt, expanding on your opinions and providing more balanced discussions can help. Include more in-depth analysis and consider multiple perspectives.
Coherence & Cohesion
Coherence & Cohesion: Enhance the logical structure of your essay by organizing your ideas more effectively. Use clear paragraphs for different ideas, and transition sentences to connect them smoothly. Also, focus on ensuring that your introduction and conclusion are strong and clearly state your main argument and summaries.
Coherence & Cohesion
In your development of ideas, support your points with more specific examples and evidence. This will not only strengthen your argument but also show a deeper understanding of the topic. Additionally, vary your sentence structures and use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and engage the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • societal norms
  • gender roles
  • feminist movement
  • gender equality
  • legislative changes
  • technological advancements
  • knowledge-based economy
  • globalization
  • dual-income
  • workforce
  • professional training
  • diversity
  • innovation
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