IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

#internet #books #air #tickets #groceries
Online shopping to buy needs, entertainment, and travelling tickets through online platforms become more popular in current times. In my view,
this
 phenomenon poses freedom for customer options and healthy
market
 competition among the
sellers
.
Overall
, the advantages outweigh the
disadvantages
.
To begin
 with, there are some
disadvantages
 to buying stuff on online platforms,
such
 as swindling practices and impulsive behaviour.
First,
the imparity between
sellers
 and buyers
as a result
 of the virtual interaction may encompass deceptive behaviour.
People
 are challenged to put big trust in something they do not have sufficient knowledge
while
Change preposition
of while
show examples
 buying goods virtually.
Furthermore
, in the status quo,
people
 may tend to buy blindly and put their big trust in the seller,
nevertheless
, vice versa may not be applied. Second, impulsive buying likely drives
people
 to squander acts.
For instance
, things on the internet
seems
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
 to have an enthralling appearance that encourages customers to buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 without any
further
 considerations,
such
 as
Correct article usage
the
show examples
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 and budget they have. But, online shopping behaviour has some benefits that outweigh its
disadvantages
. The enormous amount of options makes the buyers pick their needs without any hindrance.
Furthermore
,
people
 are able to compare the products easily and
likely
Add a missing verb
are likely
show examples
 able to make better considerations by the reviews from other purchasers who already bought the products.
Thus
, it can emerge healthy
market
 competition amidst the
sellers
. Employing transparency is the underlying factor to keep the
market
 healthy. Transparency makes the
sellers
 have more rational prices and proportional specifications
by comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to other merchants. In conclusion, through product reviews and transparency, customer options freedom and
market
 healthy competition may emerge.
To sum up
, the
disadvantages
 of buying things on
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 likely worrying, yet, the advantages are more pleasurable
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 sufficient to diminish dicey feelings.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Transition sentences can be strengthened to make the argument flow more naturally from one paragraph to the next.
task achievement
Strengthen the introduction by clearly stating whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, which will enhance the clarity of your position for the reader.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. While you mentioned impulsive buying and the potential for deceit, concrete examples or statistics would make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
To improve cohesion, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly within and between paragraphs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • time-saving
  • wide selection
  • competitive prices
  • discounts
  • accessibility
  • global marketplace
  • availability
  • fraud
  • scams
  • lack of
  • physical interaction
  • personal experience
  • impersonal
  • customer service
  • delays
  • delivery
  • return process
What to do next:
Look at other essays: