IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

#internet #books #air #tickets #groceries
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Online shopping to buy needs, entertainment, and travelling tickets through online platforms become more popular in current times. In my view,
this
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 phenomenon poses freedom for customer options and healthy
market
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 competition among the
sellers
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.
Overall
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, the advantages outweigh the
disadvantages
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.
To begin
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 with, there are some
disadvantages
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 to buying stuff on online platforms,
such
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 as swindling practices and impulsive behaviour.
First,
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the imparity between
sellers
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 and buyers
as a result
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 of the virtual interaction may encompass deceptive behaviour.
People
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 are challenged to put big trust in something they do not have sufficient knowledge
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while
Change preposition
of while
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 buying goods virtually.
Furthermore
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, in the status quo,
people
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 may tend to buy blindly and put their big trust in the seller,
nevertheless
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, vice versa may not be applied. Second, impulsive buying likely drives
people
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 to squander acts.
For instance
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, things on the internet
seems
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seem
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 to have an enthralling appearance that encourages customers to buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 without any
further
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 considerations,
such
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 as
Correct article usage
the
show examples
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 and budget they have. But, online shopping behaviour has some benefits that outweigh its
disadvantages
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. The enormous amount of options makes the buyers pick their needs without any hindrance.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 are able to compare the products easily and
likely
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are likely
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 able to make better considerations by the reviews from other purchasers who already bought the products.
Thus
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, it can emerge healthy
market
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 competition amidst the
sellers
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. Employing transparency is the underlying factor to keep the
market
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 healthy. Transparency makes the
sellers
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 have more rational prices and proportional specifications
by comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to other merchants. In conclusion, through product reviews and transparency, customer options freedom and
market
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 healthy competition may emerge.
To sum up
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, the
disadvantages
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 of buying things on
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 likely worrying, yet, the advantages are more pleasurable
that
Correct word choice
than
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 sufficient to diminish dicey feelings.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Transition sentences can be strengthened to make the argument flow more naturally from one paragraph to the next.
task achievement
Strengthen the introduction by clearly stating whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, which will enhance the clarity of your position for the reader.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. While you mentioned impulsive buying and the potential for deceit, concrete examples or statistics would make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
To improve cohesion, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly within and between paragraphs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • time-saving
  • wide selection
  • competitive prices
  • discounts
  • accessibility
  • global marketplace
  • availability
  • fraud
  • scams
  • lack of
  • physical interaction
  • personal experience
  • impersonal
  • customer service
  • delays
  • delivery
  • return process
What to do next:
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