9. Full-time university students should spend a lot of time studying, but it is essential to be involved in other activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Full-
time
university
students
should dedicate plenty of
time
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
studying.
However
, it is necessary to spend some
time
on other
activities
. In
this
essay, I will explore the positive sides of having additional
activities
while
studying full-
time
in
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
educational institution. From my point of view, being involved in other
activities
is helpful for absorbing information better.
While
you have a lot
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
on your plate to study, the brain does not consume all the information in the right way.
This
might lead to poor academic performance and discourage
students
.
Whereas
,
students
who attend
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
activities
Change preposition
of activities
show examples
such
as sports, dances, volunteering and so on,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
tend to show better themselves in educational
activities
.
For instance
, BBC has written that the more people do active
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
, the better academic achievement is shown among
students
.
Secondly
, having other
activities
increase student's skills and enhance well-being.
Students
who have different hobbies are more versatile, which
also
may define their leadership qualities. Even though,
students
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have only one activity, they can be great at it and spend
time
qualitatively, despite the fact that sometimes it might be
time
and
energy consuming
Add a hyphen
energy-consuming
show examples
.
For example
, Cambridge University says that having only two or three
activities
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
quite enough to be happy, as it has
social
Add an article
a social
show examples
, physical and emotional impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
people’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
studying program is
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
, it is essential to be involved in different
activities
. First and foremost, it has
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
impact on health and helps to succeed in education.
Submitted by burtebaeva02 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
To enhance your score on task response, aim to address the essay prompt more directly and comprehensively. While you've presented a clear stance, further exploration of the opposing viewpoint could add depth to your argument. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of examples to support your points will not only add depth but make your essay more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay maintains a good logical structure, which aids in coherence and cohesion. To further improve, consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words to create a more sophisticated flow between ideas. Also, ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next will enhance the overall cohesion of your piece.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!