IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Government should spend more money on medical research and less on researching the environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The government's allocation of funds towards medical
research
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 should take precedence over environmental
research
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,
according to
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 the prompt.
However
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, it's crucial to recognize the intertwined nature of environmental and medical concerns, especially in the context of epidemics.
Thus
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, I respectfully disagree with the notion that medical
research
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 should receive greater emphasis
to
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on
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 the exclusion of environmental
research
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. At the outset, prioritizing medical
research
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 is crucial in combating epidemic
diseases
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. Take dengue fever,
for example
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, which demands specialized approaches
due to
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 its relatively low prevalence. Governments must invest in
research
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 that addresses the unique challenges posed by
such
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diseases
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.
Moreover
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, the direct impact of the medical field on public health warrants heightened attention compared to sectors with more indirect societal impacts.
However
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,
this
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 emphasis on medical
research
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 may inadvertently overlook the importance of
research
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 in other sectors.
Furthermore
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,
while
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 environmental
research
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 may not directly affect the public, it is closely linked to medical
research
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.
For instance
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, environmental factors
such
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 as poor sanitation and hygiene can contribute to the spread of epidemic
diseases
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 like dengue.
Therefore
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, a comprehensive approach that integrates environmental considerations into
research
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 methodologies is essential for devising effective strategies.
This
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 holistic approach ensures clearer planning and increases the likelihood of success in combating
such
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diseases
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.
Additionally
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, addressing the susceptibility of indigenous populations to environmental factors is crucial for ensuring the acceptance of medical interventions. In conclusion, governments must make informed decisions regarding the integration of relevant fields into
research
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 methodologies. Neglecting environmental considerations in medical
research
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 can lead to ineffective outcomes.
Therefore
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, a balanced approach that recognizes the interconnectedness of medical and environmental concerns is essential for addressing complex health challenges effectively.

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Task Achievement
For task achievement, consider carefully answering the question by stating your position more distinctly, ensuring the reader knows where you stand. Aim to develop your argument more comprehensively by covering all aspects of the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a logical flow of ideas and smooth transitions between paragraphs for better coherence. Use cohesive devices strategically to link ideas and paragraphs clearly.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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