Teenagers are now facing educational, social, and commercial pressures. What are the causes of these pressures? Is it ever beneficial for teenagers to develop under such pressure?

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People

Use synonyms

have different views about whether extreme

sports

Use synonyms

should be prohibited. In my opinion,

people

Use synonyms

should be free to choose the activities they prefer as long as they are aware of the risks associated. Indeed, there are a couple of reasons why some

people

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assert that risky

sports

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should be banned. One primary reason is concerned with

safety

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issues, not only for individuals

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apply

show examples

but

also

Linking Words

for the public.

In other words

Linking Words

, when

people

Use synonyms

are engaged in performing dangerous

sports

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, there is a high likelihood of getting an injury since they are usually performed in remote areas far from the reach of medical care. Getting pleasure and adrenaline rush at the cost of their life, they might not only be involved in the accidents

Remove the comma

apply

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but

also

Linking Words

indirectly encourage others who are less experienced to try, which might result in

threat

Add an article

a threat

show examples

to public

safety

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. A good case point can be

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

bungee jumping which seems attractive, yet when tried without the presence of supervisors, it is highly likely to be injured or die considering the elements of risk. Others,

however

Linking Words

, argue against

this

Linking Words

idea, stating

the

Correct determiner usage

that

show examples

personal freedom in decision making. In fact, undertaking extreme

sports

Use synonyms

can be a form of entertainment as they are mostly performed outdoors, and when completing a difficult task,

people

Use synonyms

get feelings which other less extreme

sports

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may not give

such

Linking Words

as dopamine.

Thus

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, putting a ban on these activities limits

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

personal freedom in

decision making

Add a hyphen

decision-making

show examples

, causing a debate among

people

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Furthermore

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, extreme

sports

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according to

Linking Words

some, can contribute to personal growth, meaning that

people

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can achieve a mastery of particular skill as long as they are experienced.

For instance

Linking Words

, notable

marshal

Correct your spelling

martial

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art fighters

such

Linking Words

as Khabib trains

his

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

body in

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apply

show examples

extremely cold water to master

his

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

craft. By doing so, he can take his skills to

Correct article usage

the next

show examples

level, developing his techniques. In my opinion, banning extreme

sports

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is both unnecessary and impractical. As technologies

developed

Wrong verb form

develop

show examples

, a variety of

safety

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tools and measures are available if one wants to partake in extreme activities, which alleviates the risks.

In addition

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, a person who undertakes a dangerous activity cannot perform without the first training and under

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

supervision, which

also

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helps reduce

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

accidents.

Moreover

Linking Words

, banning these

sports

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is impractical since they are mostly performed in high mountains or in the ocean, far from the reach of the police or regulatory authorities. It is hard to imagine the police is stopping the person who parachuting on the edge of the mountain

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apply

show examples

or surfing under the high waves. In conclusion,

although

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some

people

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approve of banning extreme

sports

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for

safety

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reasons, others are against

this

Linking Words

idea

due to

Linking Words

personal freedom.

However

Linking Words

, I would argue that cutting-edge

safety

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equipment and the impossibility of regulations render

this

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issue obsolete.

muhammadrizoabduxalimov017Mon Feb 12 2024

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task achievement

Ensure that the essay directly addresses all parts of the task. Your essay did focus on the discussion around the prohibition of extreme sports but could more explicitly relate the discussion to its impacts on teenagers as implied by the prompt.

coherence cohesion

Work on strengthening your logical structure by ensuring a clear progression of ideas from one paragraph to the next. Use a range of cohesive devices effectively but avoid overuse.

coherence cohesion

To enhance clarity and coherence, consider starting each body paragraph with a clear topic sentence that signals the main point you will discuss. This helps the reader understand the direction of your argument more easily.

task achievement

Include more varied and specific examples to support your arguments. While the examples provided are relevant, deeper and more diverse illustrations can help to substantiate your points more convincingly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

459 words

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Teenagers are now facing educational, social, and commercial pressures. What are the causes of these pressures? Is it ever beneficial for teenagers to develop under such pressure?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some school leavers choose to travel or work for a year before going university. What might be the reasons for this? What are the disadvantages of this practice?

Some people argue that we should do research into their family history. Others, agree with the view that we should focus on the present and future generations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some parents encourage their children to be competitive, for example in sports and classes at school. Other parents think that encouraging competition can be harmful to their children.

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Scientists predict that all people will choose to speak the same global language in the future. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?