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Band 4.5

Some people believe that continue university after finish school is the best way to get a good job, some people prefer to work to get experience. Discuss both views and opinion

#people #university #school #job #work
Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people decide to study at the university because they believe that have
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
 to
work
 at
leading
Add an article
the leading
a leading
show examples
 firm,
while
 others prefer to opposite way
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 get experience. In my opinion, I prefer to continue in
institute
Add an article
the institute
show examples
 and I will examine both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
 with
this
 essay. The majority of students decide to study at the institute because,
first,
having
specific
Add an article
a specific
show examples
 subject
offer
Wrong verb form
offered
show examples
 to pupils
such
an
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 engineering, computer science, medical etc., which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
can have value in
career
Add an article
a career
show examples
 in the future.
Second,
many
Change preposition
in many
show examples
 industries, a degree is now becoming increasingly popular or essential because some
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 need to certificate, in Thailand you will earn salary more than people without
degree
Add an article
a degree
show examples
, In Thailand if
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduate
show examples
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
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 degree standard salary start is 15,000 baths, which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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can guarantee money that you will earn in
work
 at long run.
However
, if they want to
work
 during study, they have to register a volunteer by selecting a company that
relevant
Add a missing verb
is relevant
show examples
 subject that
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 learn, which
is encourage
Change the verb form
is encouraged
is encouraging
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
knowledge and experience in their
career
.
Although
, studying
necessarily
Change the word
necessary
show examples
, but
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 money a lot because they will pay
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 cost
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 education during learning
such
a
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 term fees, transport fees
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
food fees etc. So may
difficult
Add a missing verb
be difficult
show examples
 for pupils not
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
show examples
sponsor
Add an article
a sponsor
show examples
 to
support
Correct pronoun usage
support them
show examples
.
On the other hand
, some pupils
inspire
Wrong verb form
are inspired
show examples
 to
work
 when finishing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
school, they believe that
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 of working is
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 have many years of
work
 which is experience that
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
confidents
Correct your spelling
confident
 in
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
. But, undeniable leads of students lack of
financial
Replace the word
finances
show examples
 to continue to the university as well so,
they
Rephrase
so they
show examples
 have to
work
 for
living
Correct article usage
a living
show examples
 consumer and I think that if they have money enough, they may
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
learn again. In conclusion, it seems to me that student
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 likely to be successful in their
career
 if they continue to university beyond the school level.
Submitted by chompoo34888 on

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introduction conclusion present
Be sure to clearly introduce your essay by stating what it will discuss and ensure your conclusion summarises your main points effectively. This helps in making your essay coherent and complete.
logical structure
Try to structure your essay in a more logically flowing manner. Organize your ideas into distinct paragraphs, each with a clear topic sentence followed by support for your ideas. This will enhance the logical structure of your essay.
supported main points
Support each of your main points with more specific examples and explanations. This not only strengthens your argument but also makes your essay more compelling and clear.
complete response
Ensure that your essay fully responds to all aspects of the prompt. Introduce your position clearly in the introduction, discuss both views as asked, and restate your opinion in the conclusion to achieve a complete response.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive to explain your ideas more comprehensively. Clarify your stance and the reasoning behind it with more detailed explanations and examples, making sure they are directly relevant to the prompt.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more specific examples that are directly relevant to your points. This will make your argument more convincing and your essay more detailed and engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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