IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think living in big cities is bad for people's health. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #cities #health
Big
city
 life dramatically affects our
health
, mainly
due to
 the
air
 pollution and different lifestyles compared to rural areas. Based on my experience of living in 3 different cities I support that idea.
According to
 the statistics of
UN
Correct article usage
the UN
show examples
, huge cities suffer from
air
 pollution much more than towns. The quality of the
air
 in a
city
 could be up to 70% worse than in a town., it depends on amount of inhabitants,
manufacturers
Correct word choice
and manufacturers
show examples
. The study by the World
Health
 Organisation that observed mental
health
, cancer and lifespan of people in towns and metropolises provides more details and facts.
For instance
,
due to
 the
air
 quality lung cancer occurs 20% more often in a big
city
as well as
 other lung diseases. Stress, which is 44% more inherent
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
city
 residences, is the main cause of the sleep disorder, anxiety and depression.
However
, the duration of life is 11% higher in the metropolis than in rural areas
since
Change preposition
of
show examples
 faster access to medicine and more qualified workers in the
health
 system.
Moreover
, after moving from my hometown which is the capital of Kazakhstan to a small village in Germany I started to notice the difference in my
health
. In the village the
air
 is other I could smell it.
Also
, I had fewer headaches because of less usage of public transport and more walking and cycling. I can conclude that living near nature, in a small
city
 could have a good impact on
health
.
Submitted by kostennikov.danil on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, focus on improving your essay's logical flow by creating paragraphs that are more distinct and organized around a single idea. Use a range of cohesive devices effectively to link ideas within and across paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Task Achievement: To enhance your essay, ensure that you address the prompt fully by developing your arguments comprehensively and providing a broader array of examples and evidence to support your points. Additionally, balancing the perspectives in your discussion would offer a more nuanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • respiratory problems
  • population density
  • stress levels
  • mental health issues
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • healthcare facilities
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • psychological well-being
  • recreational areas
  • social networks
What to do next:
Look at other essays: