For school children, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
For millions of children, school become the first step of their education. Some people might think that nowadays teachers have a bigger influence on students' intelligence and social skills than their
parents
. I'm totally disagree with this
extent and going to explain why in this
essay.
First of all, children usually get basic knowledge about the world from their parents
. Most psychologists assume that the most important social skills are learned at ages
Correct article usage
the ages
between
3 to 6, and it's the parent to Change preposition
of
shape
social development through early socialization, modelling appropriate behaviours, and facilitating peer interactions. Wrong verb form
shapes
However
teachers are also
should teach students good manners, even some schools have a special lesson about it, parents
' authority is the main reason for most kids to keep their normal behaviour. There are a lot of stories when problems in the family became the main reason for future failures.
The second reason why i
disagree with the statementChange the capitalization
I
,
is the fact that programs at schools are often standardized. Some kids are interested in history, Remove the comma
apply
while
others prefer playing musical instruments or sports games. So it's parents
' the
opportunity to help them to be really keen Correct article usage
apply
in
different kinds of disciplines. To illustrate Change preposition
on
this
, there is a known fact, that parents
of a lot of successful sportsmen also
were doing sports in the past. For example
, the father of Erling Halland, one of the best strikers in football, was also
a professional soccer player. Mother
of Vitalik Buterin, the founder of the Correct article usage
The mother
Etherium
, is Correct your spelling
Ethereum
also
a programmist.
As a result
, teachers surely influence children’s intelligence through structured educational programs, tailored lesson plans, and academic feedback, but for me, the main influence is usually made by parents
.Submitted by cryptofarmboy on
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Task Achievement
It is important to fully address the prompt by clearly stating your position in the introduction. While your essay mentions disagreement, it could be clearer and more direct.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing more effectively to improve the flow between ideas. Consider using linking words or phrases like 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', or 'On the other hand' to connect your ideas more fluidly.
Task Achievement
Develop your argument by adding more depth to your examples. While you provided examples, elaborating on how they specifically support your argument could strengthen your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are both clear and concise. The conclusion should effectively summarize your main points and restate your position without introducing new information.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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