For school children, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

For millions of children, school become the first step of their education. Some people might think that nowadays teachers have a bigger influence on students' intelligence and social skills than their
parents
. I'm totally disagree with
this
extent and going to explain why in
this
essay. First of all, children usually get basic knowledge about the world from their
parents
. Most psychologists assume that the most important social skills are learned at
ages
Correct article usage
the ages
show examples
between
Change preposition
of
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3 to 6, and it's the parent to
shape
Wrong verb form
shapes
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social development through early socialization, modelling appropriate behaviours, and facilitating peer interactions.
However
teachers are
also
should teach students good manners, even some schools have a special lesson about it,
parents
' authority is the main reason for most kids to keep their normal behaviour. There are a lot of stories when problems in the family became the main reason for future failures. The second reason why
i
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I
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disagree with the statement
,
Remove the comma
apply
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is the fact that programs at schools are often standardized. Some kids are interested in history,
while
others prefer playing musical instruments or sports games. So it's
parents
'
the
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apply
show examples
opportunity to help them to be really keen
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
different kinds of disciplines. To illustrate
this
, there is a known fact, that
parents
of a lot of successful sportsmen
also
were doing sports in the past.
For example
, the father of Erling Halland, one of the best strikers in football, was
also
a professional soccer player.
Mother
Correct article usage
The mother
show examples
of Vitalik Buterin, the founder of the
Etherium
Correct your spelling
Ethereum
, is
also
a programmist.
As a result
, teachers surely influence children’s intelligence through structured educational programs, tailored lesson plans, and academic feedback, but for me, the main influence is usually made by
parents
.
Submitted by cryptofarmboy on

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It is important to fully address the prompt by clearly stating your position in the introduction. While your essay mentions disagreement, it could be clearer and more direct.
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Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing more effectively to improve the flow between ideas. Consider using linking words or phrases like 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', or 'On the other hand' to connect your ideas more fluidly.
Task Achievement
Develop your argument by adding more depth to your examples. While you provided examples, elaborating on how they specifically support your argument could strengthen your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are both clear and concise. The conclusion should effectively summarize your main points and restate your position without introducing new information.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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