IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Advertising has become an unavoidable part of everyone's lives. Some people say that advertising is positive part of our lives while others say it is a negative one. Discuss both views include your opinion.

#part #lives #people
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It is considered by some that broadcasting has become a downside
parts
Correct the article-noun agreement
part
show examples
 of their
lives
,
while
 there are others who think that it is an upside section of their
lives
. A lot can be inferred from the way of their thinking.
This
 interpretation might give us about their personalities.
Although
 I agree that it is important to display products or services, I cannot ignore the negative sides. On the one hand, some people hold the view that promotion has a negative effect on their
lives
.
That is
 to say, It is more likely that these groups are not able to control their attitudes or
behaviors
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behaviours
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on
Change preposition
toward
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 shopping.
This
 is because they have an
Replace the word
emotional
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emotionally
Change the word
emotional
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 personality
,
Correct word choice
and, therefore
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therefore
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 manage their emotions in some
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
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situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
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 which are faced
Change preposition
with
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to
Change preposition
with
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attractive
Add an article
the attractive
an attractive
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
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advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
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. By doing so, people tend to buy
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 number of stuffs which are unnecessary and waste their money. Take
toys
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toy
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 advertising as an example; children decide on the basis of their emotions and
by
Change preposition
apply
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these kinds of colorful and attractive marketing cause
a
Correct article usage
apply
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 for their parents.
On the other hand
, an opposing view asserts that advertising
play
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plays
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 a crucial role
on
Change preposition
in
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 their
lives
. To put it differently, it helps them to make
a
Change the article
the
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 best decision among
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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various types of brands.
This
 is because when new outcomes are displayed on billboards they become familiar with the new ones. If they intend to pay money
for
Change preposition
apply
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it is more probable that they will compare new products with the former, and after that choose one of them. A good illustration
for
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of
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this
 is
smarts
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smart
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 phone companies. On the basis of their
needs
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needs,
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 they are able to buy the one
is
Correct pronoun usage
that is
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 suitable for them.
Hence
, we cannot ignore the power of advertising.
To conclude
,
although
 views differ about whether advertising is a good stuff or not good stuff
parts
Fix the agreement mistake
part
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 of our people's life, I believe that it depends on our personality to how see it and employ it in our life.
Submitted by niloofar_sk33 on

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introduction
Work on creating a more structured introduction that clearly states the essay topic and outlines your opinion. This creates a strong foundation for your essay.
logical structure
Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your discussion. This makes your main points more evident and easier to follow.
coherence
Enhance the clarity of your arguments by simplifying complex sentences. Avoid excessive use of linking words that can make sentences difficult to follow.
language use
Integrate a wider range of vocabulary related to the essay topic. This helps in articulating your ideas more precisely and demonstrates a strong command of the language.
supporting evidence
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. This not only strengthens your claims but also shows a deeper understanding of the topic.
conclusion
Conclude your essay by summarizing the main points and reiterating your stance in a clear and concise manner. This reinforces your arguments and leaves a lasting impression on the reader.
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