IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

A friend of yours has a son/daughter who recently graduated and is now applying for jobs. Your friend has asked you to give their son/daughter some advice about applying for a job. Write a letter to your friend's son/daughter. In your letter - Give some advice about applying for a job. - Explain why these things are important. - Suggest a time and place you can meet to talk about this

#friend #son #daughter #jobs #advice #job #time #place
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My name is Seung, and I am one of your father's friends from South Korea. Recently, I received a message from him asking for advice on applying for jobs. I hope to help you find a
job
Use synonyms
 that fits your university experience and apply for it.
Firstly
Linking Words
, you should find any
job
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 postings that are related to your major degree on a
job
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 recruitment website and read all of the requirements, benefits, and about the
job
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 position. Unless you didn'
t
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 read it carefully, you could get a
job
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 that doesn'
t
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 match your long-term career plan.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if there are any opportunities to contact
job
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 recruiters working on the
job
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 sites, I recommend you send your CV to them and keep in touch to provide more information about you.
Thus
Linking Words
, they will call you back, if there is the best
job
Use synonyms
 vacancy matching
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your CV and the other documents you sent to them. Even if they didn'
t
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 reply to your request, please don'
t
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 get you into any nervous moods. All the things are open to you to get what you want to do. When it comes to more details, I would like to suggest
you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
that we could meet in a cafe
nearby
Correct your spelling
near
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 my workplace
in
Change preposition
at
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lunch time
Correct your spelling
lunchtime
show examples
. I think that I can give more advice and tips
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 seekers like you. Don'
t
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be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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hesitate to contact me and keep
update
Wrong verb form
updating
show examples
 your CV and cover letter until we meet later.
Submitted by lss870311 on

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task achievement
Be more specific and clear in your advice. Instead of general suggestions, include specific actionable advice that the recipient can follow.
coherence and cohesion
Clearly delineate sections of your letter with more distinct paragraphing and transition phrases to enhance the flow of information.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using a friendly closing statement that reiterates your willingness to help and provide a specific date and time for the meeting, enhancing personal connection.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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