The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with health issue involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent you agree or dis agree?

Nowadays, worldwide health
department
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departments
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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been focusing on the increasing number of obese
people
.
Although
the majority of individuals believe that an ideal solution to overcome
this
situation is by implementing more physical training in school, I would argue that
this
is not the only way. It is true that physical
lesson
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lessons
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in
curriculum
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the curriculum
show examples
can prevent the growing percentages of
people
who are seriously overweight in the future, as they can have healthy lifestyles from
early
Correct article usage
an early
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ages
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age
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.
For example
, students can apply their training experiences in order to maintain their body states.
However
,
this
only
assist
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assists
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small
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a small
show examples
range of
community
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communities
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and
this
plan is
future oriented
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future-oriented
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. It is claimed by experts that the age ranges of
people
suffering from
obbesity
Correct your spelling
obesity
are above teenagers;
consequently
, we need more than preventive strategies to deal with
this
phenomenon.
On the other hand
, I believe that the most accurate strategy to handle
this
problem is advertising healthy diet and food habits.
Furthermore
,
according to
professionals,
dietary
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diet
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is the main factor
of
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in
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gaining weight
besides
genetic aspects. The best case to illustrate
this
is in the US grocery stores, there are various food products that undergo complex factory
process
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processes
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, because of that the US citizens not only
got
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get
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significant weight gain but
also
other severe diseases
likewise
heart
problem
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problems
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.
Thus
,
this
is the reason why we should eat healthily. In conclusion,
while
providing children with a positive curriculum can assist them to maintain their physical health,
people
in general require more
in depth
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in-depth
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lifestyles
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lifestyle
show examples
programs.
Therefore
, I am firmly convinced that there are other solutions to overcome
this
.
Submitted by sidneynatasha16 on

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task response
Expand and deepen your discussion on both sides of the argument. While your essay presents a clear stance, providing more developed examples and further elaboration on why you believe other solutions are also effective could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout your essay. While your essay has a good structure, using a wider range of linking words and phrases can improve the flow and cohesion between paragraphs.
task response and coherence
For a higher score, ensure that each paragraph distinctly supports your overall argument. Introduce a wider variety of examples and consider contrasting views more thoroughly to enrich the content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • strain on the health care system
  • introduce
  • physical education
  • curriculum
  • overweight
  • nutrition
  • balanced diet
  • obesity-related diseases
  • genetic factors
  • socioeconomic status
  • reevaluation
  • academic priorities
  • holistic approach
  • public health policies
  • community support
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