The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with health issue involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent you agree or dis agree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum #dis

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Nowadays, worldwide health

department

Fix the agreement mistake

departments

show examples

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

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been focusing on the increasing number of obese

people

Use synonyms

Although

Linking Words

the majority of individuals believe that an ideal solution to overcome

this

Linking Words

situation is by implementing more physical training in school, I would argue that

this

Linking Words

is not the only way. It is true that physical

lesson

Fix the agreement mistake

lessons

show examples

curriculum

Add an article

the curriculum

show examples

can prevent the growing percentages of

people

Use synonyms

who are seriously overweight in the future, as they can have healthy lifestyles from

early

Correct article usage

an early

show examples

ages

Fix the agreement mistake

age

show examples

For example

Linking Words

, students can apply their training experiences in order to maintain their body states.

However

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

only

assist

Change the verb form

assists

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small

Add an article

a small

show examples

range of

community

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communities

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and

this

Linking Words

plan is

future oriented

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future-oriented

show examples

. It is claimed by experts that the age ranges of

people

Use synonyms

suffering from

obbesity

Correct your spelling

obesity

are above teenagers;

consequently

Linking Words

, we need more than preventive strategies to deal with

this

Linking Words

phenomenon.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, I believe that the most accurate strategy to handle

this

Linking Words

problem is advertising healthy diet and food habits.

Furthermore

Linking Words

according to

Linking Words

professionals,

dietary

Replace the word

diet

show examples

is the main factor

Change preposition

show examples

gaining weight

besides

Linking Words

genetic aspects. The best case to illustrate

this

Linking Words

is in the US grocery stores, there are various food products that undergo complex factory

process

Fix the agreement mistake

processes

show examples

, because of that the US citizens not only

got

Wrong verb form

get

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significant weight gain but

also

Linking Words

other severe diseases

likewise

Linking Words

heart

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

Thus

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

is the reason why we should eat healthily. In conclusion,

while

Linking Words

providing children with a positive curriculum can assist them to maintain their physical health,

people

Use synonyms

in general require more

in depth

Add a hyphen

in-depth

show examples

lifestyles

Change the noun form

lifestyle

show examples

programs.

Therefore

Linking Words

, I am firmly convinced that there are other solutions to overcome

this

Linking Words

Submitted by sidneynatasha16 on Mon Feb 12 2024

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task response

Expand and deepen your discussion on both sides of the argument. While your essay presents a clear stance, providing more developed examples and further elaboration on why you believe other solutions are also effective could strengthen your argument.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout your essay. While your essay has a good structure, using a wider range of linking words and phrases can improve the flow and cohesion between paragraphs.

task response and coherence

For a higher score, ensure that each paragraph distinctly supports your overall argument. Introduce a wider variety of examples and consider contrasting views more thoroughly to enrich the content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

263 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

strain on the health care system
introduce
physical education
curriculum
overweight
nutrition
balanced diet
obesity-related diseases
genetic factors
socioeconomic status
reevaluation
academic priorities
holistic approach
public health policies
community support

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Traditional food is being replaced by international fast food. This has negative effect on family and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some people believe that in the future, environmental problems will mean that we are unable to live on this planet. In order to survive, the human species will need to find another planet that can support life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

As global trade increases, many goods including those we use on a daily basis are produced in other countries and have to be transported long distance. Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?