The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with health issue involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent you agree or dis agree?
Nowadays, worldwide health
department
Fix the agreement mistake
departments
has
been focusing on the increasing number of obese Correct subject-verb agreement
have
people
. Although
the majority of individuals believe that an ideal solution to overcome this
situation is by implementing more physical training in school, I would argue that this
is not the only way.
It is true that physical lesson
in Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
curriculum
can prevent the growing percentages of Add an article
the curriculum
people
who are seriously overweight in the future, as they can have healthy lifestyles from early
Correct article usage
an early
ages
. Fix the agreement mistake
age
For example
, students can apply their training experiences in order to maintain their body states. However
, this
only assist
Change the verb form
assists
small
range of Add an article
a small
community
and Fix the agreement mistake
communities
this
plan is future oriented
. It is claimed by experts that the age ranges of Add a hyphen
future-oriented
people
suffering from obbesity
are above teenagers; Correct your spelling
obesity
consequently
, we need more than preventive strategies to deal with this
phenomenon.
On the other hand
, I believe that the most accurate strategy to handle this
problem is advertising healthy diet and food habits. Furthermore
, according to
professionals, dietary
is the main factor Replace the word
diet
of
gaining weight Change preposition
in
besides
genetic aspects. The best case to illustrate this
is in the US grocery stores, there are various food products that undergo complex factory process
, because of that the US citizens not only Fix the agreement mistake
processes
got
significant weight gain but Wrong verb form
get
also
other severe diseases likewise
heart problem
. Fix the agreement mistake
problems
Thus
, this
is the reason why we should eat healthily.
In conclusion, while
providing children with a positive curriculum can assist them to maintain their physical health, people
in general require more in depth
Add a hyphen
in-depth
lifestyles
programs. Change the noun form
lifestyle
Therefore
, I am firmly convinced that there are other solutions to overcome this
.Submitted by sidneynatasha16 on
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task response
Expand and deepen your discussion on both sides of the argument. While your essay presents a clear stance, providing more developed examples and further elaboration on why you believe other solutions are also effective could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout your essay. While your essay has a good structure, using a wider range of linking words and phrases can improve the flow and cohesion between paragraphs.
task response and coherence
For a higher score, ensure that each paragraph distinctly supports your overall argument. Introduce a wider variety of examples and consider contrasting views more thoroughly to enrich the content.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?