The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with health issue involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent you agree or dis agree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum #dis

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Nowadays, worldwide health

department

Fix the agreement mistake

departments

show examples

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

been focusing on the increasing number of obese

people

Although

the majority of individuals believe that an ideal solution to overcome

this

situation is by implementing more physical training in school, I would argue that

this

is not the only way. It is true that physical

lesson

Fix the agreement mistake

lessons

show examples

curriculum

Add an article

the curriculum

show examples

can prevent the growing percentages of

people

who are seriously overweight in the future, as they can have healthy lifestyles from

early

Correct article usage

an early

show examples

ages

Fix the agreement mistake

age

show examples

For example

, students can apply their training experiences in order to maintain their body states.

However

this

only

assist

Change the verb form

assists

show examples

small

Add an article

a small

show examples

range of

community

Fix the agreement mistake

communities

show examples

and

this

plan is

future oriented

Add a hyphen

future-oriented

show examples

. It is claimed by experts that the age ranges of

people

suffering from

obbesity

Correct your spelling

obesity

are above teenagers;

consequently

, we need more than preventive strategies to deal with

this

phenomenon.

On the other hand

, I believe that the most accurate strategy to handle

this

problem is advertising healthy diet and food habits.

Furthermore

according to

professionals,

dietary

Replace the word

diet

show examples

is the main factor

Change preposition

show examples

gaining weight

besides

genetic aspects. The best case to illustrate

this

is in the US grocery stores, there are various food products that undergo complex factory

process

Fix the agreement mistake

processes

show examples

, because of that the US citizens not only

got

Wrong verb form

get

show examples

significant weight gain but

also

other severe diseases

likewise

heart

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

Thus

this

is the reason why we should eat healthily. In conclusion,

while

providing children with a positive curriculum can assist them to maintain their physical health,

people

in general require more

in depth

Add a hyphen

in-depth

show examples

lifestyles

Change the noun form

lifestyle

show examples

programs.

Therefore

, I am firmly convinced that there are other solutions to overcome

this

Submitted by sidneynatasha16 on Mon Feb 12 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

Expand and deepen your discussion on both sides of the argument. While your essay presents a clear stance, providing more developed examples and further elaboration on why you believe other solutions are also effective could strengthen your argument.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout your essay. While your essay has a good structure, using a wider range of linking words and phrases can improve the flow and cohesion between paragraphs.

task response and coherence

For a higher score, ensure that each paragraph distinctly supports your overall argument. Introduce a wider variety of examples and consider contrasting views more thoroughly to enrich the content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

263 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

strain on the health care system
introduce
physical education
curriculum
overweight
nutrition
balanced diet
obesity-related diseases
genetic factors
socioeconomic status
reevaluation
academic priorities
holistic approach
public health policies
community support

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
In a number of countries some people think it is necessary to spend large sum of money on constructing new Railways land for very fast trains between cities. Others believe that money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both the views.
There is no denying that the number of people who agree with spending a large sum of money on constructing new railways land for very fast trains between cities increasing. However, some people argue that money should be spent on improving existing public transport. I am going to discuss both views.
4.5
band
in some countries around the world men and women are having babies late in life. what are the reasons? do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Despite of the growth in technology, education and other sectors, some nations around the world recorded a gradual decrease in the number of marriage and having the first child between 20-30 aged. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss the reasons behind having babies late in life, and how the negatives outweigh the positives.
<4
band
You experienced an incident on public transport that caused you distress. Write a letter to the manager of the public transport company. In your letter: describe the incident;explain how this incident affected you and suggest what could be done about it
Dear MadamI am writing for you regardan,I usually utiliaz public transport.The reason I am writing to you, is the regarding object to gain experience to utilize public transport.A amicable friend persuade my to make use of bus for went to work on 12 March 2015 at 8 a.m. Regrettably steersman bus’s donot conform to rigid ruls and regulation, and exceed the speed limit and jump the light. I proposed that he should decreas speed but he evaded his responsibility and he postponed cases collaide with car. It caused increased stress in all passengers and he is very impolite, he dont follow me advice i have a proposition for you,you should boom job performance through educations fields like: Compliance with the rules,punctuality and … by an acceptable educational center.
<4
band
In some countries, the number of shootings increase becausee many people have guns at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
in many nations, criminal based guns are increased significantly. I am on the opinion that guns should be illegal for people. I complitery agree with this since it does not assiciated with security reasons.
<4
band
Today, some food travels thousands of miles from farms to consumers, Some people think it would be better to our environment and economy if people only eat local food. To what extent do the advantages outweigh the advantages?
It is a hot topic for debate, the majority of people belive that eat local food would be better for our environment and economy. To begin with, I totally agree with this statement. Fist of all, it is easily available and always fresh and chemicals free. secondly, it is budget friendly.

Your opinion

In a number of countries some people think it is necessary to spend large sum of money on constructing new Railways land for very fast trains between cities. Others believe that money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both the views.

in some countries around the world men and women are having babies late in life. what are the reasons? do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

You experienced an incident on public transport that caused you distress. Write a letter to the manager of the public transport company. In your letter: describe the incident;explain how this incident affected you and suggest what could be done about it

In some countries, the number of shootings increase becausee many people have guns at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Today, some food travels thousands of miles from farms to consumers, Some people think it would be better to our environment and economy if people only eat local food. To what extent do the advantages outweigh the advantages?