IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #move #area #adults #development
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People that live in poorer countries often
imigrate
Correct your spelling
immigrate
emigrate
migrate
 to different because of the chance for better
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 for them and their
familys
Correct your spelling
families
. We can meet a
lot
 of adults that
where
Correct your spelling
were
show examples
 born
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other
countinent
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continent
continents
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 live now. Parents do
this
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 they want
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their child what is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
best, sometimes it is a good decision but
on the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 it can cause a
lot
 of problems.
Firstly
, the advantage is
better
Add an article
a better
the better
show examples
 quality of life,
for
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 no wars or terrorist attacks, which can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to death or living hidden. No one would
by
Correct your spelling
be
show examples
 happy about
this
, especially with a kid,
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 parents would do anything for their own child. The next reason is bigger
opportuneness
Replace the word
opportunities
show examples
,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
eduacation
Correct your spelling
education
,
such
 as schools and universities,
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
 offers and life occasions. Moments like that
buildes
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build
 our
sens
Correct your spelling
sense
show examples
 of living, we have
somethink
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something
 to look
forwarde
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forward
.
Change preposition
to.
show examples
Furthermore
, making friends and spending time with them is the biggest benefit that every teenager wants.
On the other hand
, the
younge
Correct your spelling
young
 person that was
took
Wrong verb form
taken
show examples
aborad
Correct your spelling
abroad
show examples
 because of their
parents
Change noun form
parent's
parents'
show examples
 needs, do not know anything about their
countrie
Correct your spelling
country
countries
, culture and even relatives, because of the distance.
Therefore
, some of them can feel lost in
this
 world, because of not knowing their own roots.
Secondly
, because of racism, we can still see that a
lot
 of other cultures or facial structures are criticized. Younge people that are raised
this
 way can deal with a
lot
 of problems in later
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
 mental health issues,
such
 as anxiety, low
confinece
Correct your spelling
confidence
 or depression, which can
results
Change the verb form
result
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
suicide
Replace the word
suicidal
show examples
 thoughts. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, I think that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 are stronger
Change preposition
than then
show examples
then
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 disadvantages
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because more and more humans
are being tolerates
Change the verb form
are tolerating
show examples
 the
diffrences
Correct your spelling
differences
.
Therefore
 moving
aborad
Correct your spelling
abroad
show examples
 is a good thing
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 opens a
lot
 of "doors".
Submitted by alicja.gebarowska on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance your essay structure by clearly dividing it into introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence if applicable.
coherence cohesion
Improve your introduction by clearly restating the question and stating your main argument or position. The conclusion should summarize the main points discussed and restate your position or opinion on the topic.
task achievement
Support your main points with more precise examples and explanations. While general statements are made, more detailed and specific examples could better strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar errors. Regular proofreading can help identify and correct these issues, enhancing the overall clarity and professionalism of your essay.
task achievement
Consider working on developing a broader vocabulary and varying your sentence structures. This will make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • metropolitan
  • migration
  • globalization
  • socio-economic factors
  • traditional norms
  • cosmopolitan environment
  • brain drain
  • assimilation
  • gentrification
  • alienation
  • multiculturalism
  • infrastructure strain
What to do next:
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