IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e.g. at home, when travelling, etc.). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #information #technology #people #work #workplace #e #g #home #mobility
Statistics of
technology
 allow many
people
 to do their
work
 outside of their workshop. As the world is growing,
technology
 is getting better and faster. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 there will be
discussion
Add an article
a discussion
the discussion
show examples
 of both positive and negative points of
this
 topic. First of all,
technology
 has changed
people
's lives very differently and will change in the future. There are countless benefits of modern
technology
 to
people
 like getting done their
work
 from a phone. Just by using a
phone
Add a comma
phone,
show examples
 many jobs can be done and nowadays
people
 are changing to do their
work
 from their home. These days many companies have workers
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 earn money just sitting at home and working for them. It is very common to
work
while
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
, it shows how
technology
 is developed so that you can
work
 even when you are relaxing.
However
, As the benefits of
technology
Add a comma
technology,
show examples
 there are negative effects
also
.
The
Correct article usage
People
show examples
people
 who
work
 from their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 or
work
 on computers face health issues. As
technology
 is changing
people
 get more robotic, the communication is
getting
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 less
also meeting
Correct word choice
common
show examples
.
For example
 in 2020 the world will throw a
varis
Correct your spelling
virus
 called covid-19.
People
 faced a
karantin
Correct your spelling
quarantine
keratin
 and most of the jobs had changed to virtual from
technology
. After the
korantin
Change the capitalization
Korantin
show examples
have
Verb problem
was
show examples
 finished the stress and eye strain rate
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased,
many
Correct word choice
and many
show examples
people
 started to go to psychology
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 and wear glasses. In conclusion,
technology
 has changed a lot in a good and bad way,
technology
 has made your life easier but not healthier. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 there was
discussion
Correct article usage
a discussion
show examples
 of both points.
Submitted by muradismailbayli on

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task achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses the prompt by discussing in depth both the benefits and disadvantages of the ability to work outside of a traditional workplace. Be careful to balance the discussion and provide a clearer personal stance on whether the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. Including more specific, detailed examples can also help strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, work on organizing your essay more logically and clearly. This can include using paragraphing effectively to separate your ideas, and employing connecting words and phrases to link sentences and paragraphs together smoothly. It's also crucial to proofread your essay to correct errors in spelling (e.g., 'varis' should be 'virus', 'karantin' should be 'quarantine') and grammar, which can disrupt the cohesion and flow of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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