IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e.g. at home, when travelling, etc.). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Statistics of
technology
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 allow many
people
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 to do their
work
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 outside of their workshop. As the world is growing,
technology
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 is getting better and faster. In
this
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essay
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essay,
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 there will be
discussion
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a discussion
the discussion
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 of both positive and negative points of
this
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 topic. First of all,
technology
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 has changed
people
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's lives very differently and will change in the future. There are countless benefits of modern
technology
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 to
people
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 like getting done their
work
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 from a phone. Just by using a
phone
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phone,
show examples
 many jobs can be done and nowadays
people
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 are changing to do their
work
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 from their home. These days many companies have workers
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 earn money just sitting at home and working for them. It is very common to
work
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while
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traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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, it shows how
technology
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 is developed so that you can
work
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 even when you are relaxing.
However
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, As the benefits of
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technology
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technology,
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 there are negative effects
also
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.
The
Correct article usage
People
show examples
people
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 who
work
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 from their
home
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homes
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 or
work
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 on computers face health issues. As
technology
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 is changing
people
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 get more robotic, the communication is
getting
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 less
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also meeting
Correct word choice
common
show examples
.
For example
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 in 2020 the world will throw a
varis
Correct your spelling
virus
 called covid-19.
People
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 faced a
karantin
Correct your spelling
quarantine
keratin
 and most of the jobs had changed to virtual from
technology
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. After the
korantin
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Korantin
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have
Verb problem
was
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 finished the stress and eye strain rate
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased,
many
Correct word choice
and many
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people
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 started to go to psychology
class
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classes
show examples
 and wear glasses. In conclusion,
technology
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 has changed a lot in a good and bad way,
technology
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 has made your life easier but not healthier. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 there was
discussion
Correct article usage
a discussion
show examples
 of both points.

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task achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses the prompt by discussing in depth both the benefits and disadvantages of the ability to work outside of a traditional workplace. Be careful to balance the discussion and provide a clearer personal stance on whether the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. Including more specific, detailed examples can also help strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, work on organizing your essay more logically and clearly. This can include using paragraphing effectively to separate your ideas, and employing connecting words and phrases to link sentences and paragraphs together smoothly. It's also crucial to proofread your essay to correct errors in spelling (e.g., 'varis' should be 'virus', 'karantin' should be 'quarantine') and grammar, which can disrupt the cohesion and flow of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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