Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
While
Linking Words
a faction of people
holds
Correct subject-verb agreement
hold
show examples
the notion that authorities should invest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
controlling pollution and providing houses to protect public health, others argue that more measures are necessary to prevent illness. I totally agree with the latter view as ample reasons are present to substantiate it.
This
Linking Words
essay
wiill
Correct your spelling
will
explain my
view points
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
show examples
with relevant illustrations. First and foremost, lifestyle diseases
such
Linking Words
as diabetic mellitus and hypertension are the most
prevalant
Correct your spelling
prevalent
dieseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
in the present world.
Expert
Fix the agreement mistake
Experts
show examples
claimed that pollution and infrastructure issues have no relation with lifestyle diseases.
For example
Linking Words
, poor diet and lack of exercise are the major reasons for lifestyle diseases.
Besides
Linking Words
, microorganisms are the primary
causes
Fix the agreement mistake
cause
show examples
of communicable illness. To illustrate,
COVID 19
Add a hyphen
COVID-19
show examples
diesease
Correct your spelling
disease
is spread by
virus
Add an article
a virus
show examples
which is transmitted through
air
Add an article
the air
show examples
by
contacting
Change the form of the verb
contact
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
infected patients.
This
Linking Words
is no role for poor housing or pollution
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct your spelling
spread
speed
spred
Correct your spelling
spreading
this
Linking Words
disease
Submitted by ck.manshad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

logical structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. This structure helps in presenting your argument logically and makes it easier for the reader to follow your discussion.
introduction conclusion present
Though you've mentioned an agreement with the view that more measures are necessary, the absence of a clear conclusion weakens your argument. Always include a strong conclusion that reiterates your stance.
supported main points
While your main points are somewhat supported, aiming for a deeper analysis and providing more specific examples would enhance your argument significantly.
complete response
To fully address the task, ensure your response thoroughly covers why you agree or disagree with the statement. This includes elaborating on your viewpoint with comprehensive details and examples.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure your ideas are clear and comprehensive. Developing your arguments fully helps in conveying your message effectively. Use paragraphs to separate different ideas for better clarity.
relevant specific examples
Incorporating relevant, specific examples greatly strengthens your argument. Aim to provide detailed examples that clearly support your main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: