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Band 3

A few people debate that technological inventions like cell phones are making people socially less interactive. To what extend do you agree with this statement

#people #debate #inventions #cell #phones
Nowadays, many
people
 think that using technology for a long time Affects our social life negatively.
However
, social media helps humans to have an
easily
Change the adverb
easy
show examples
 contact with each other. I completely agree that real communication decreased at
this
 time
according to
 the development
devices
Change preposition
of devices
show examples
. On the one hand,
people
 sit on their phones without chatting with
others
 and watch different films or videos on any application
such
 as Instagram and Snapchat. What is more, some individuals contact with
others
 but they can not look at their facial
expression
Fix the agreement mistake
expressions
show examples
, so these lead to not understanding the feelings each other.
For instance
, a lot of
people
 were upset when they read a sentence that was sent to them without getting its meaning.
on the other hand
, having a space where of do not communicate with
others
 in real it leads to reduces
people
's confidence in speaking orally.
For example
, during interviews, some
people
 can not
be speaking
Wrong verb form
speak
show examples
 in a good way and they
have
Verb problem
make
show examples
 a lot of pronunciation mistakes.
To conclude
, using technologies to chat with
others
 is helping
people
 have a lake real relationships with
others
 and some individuals can not work in a formal place very well.
Submitted by hafsaalbadi199 on

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Task Achievement
You should clearly address the question prompt at the beginning and restate your position clearly in the conclusion. This makes it easier for the reader to follow your argument throughout the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to structure your essay more clearly into distinct paragraphs, each with a specific point that supports your overall argument. Use a variety of linking words to help your ideas flow more smoothly from one to the next.
Task Achievement
Providing specific, real-world examples to support your points will strengthen your argument. Try to illustrate your ideas with detailed examples wherever possible.
Task Achievement
Consider expanding upon your ideas further to provide a more in-depth analysis. This includes exploring reasons behind your statements, potential implications, and considering different perspectives.
General
Watch out for grammatical errors and typos, which can detract from your overall message. Proofreading your work before submitting can help improve clarity and professionalism.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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