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Band 2

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with health issue involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent you agree or dis agree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum #dis
The diagram gives us information
how
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on how
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much
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many
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 different groups of people in the UK in 2004 were ready to spend money
for
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on
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 their leisure
on
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in
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 three different categories.
Overall
, it can be clearly seen that the highest pick was for the public
at age
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aged
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 61 to 75, who preferred entertainment, as a group
ages
 over 76 had total spending on food and drink. Meanwhile, the lowest one was
restaurant
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restaurants
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 and
hotel
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hotels
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 for citizens from 61 to 75. The percentage of
restaurant
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restaurants
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 and
hotel
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hotels
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 was approximately the same about 12-14% for three groups of
ages
: under 30, 31-45 and 46-60. For older
people
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people,
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 it has dramatically fallen to almost 3% and rose just over 5% in
ages
 over 76.
Moreover
, the total spending on
drink
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drinks
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 and food goes up gradually for
in
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apply
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all
ages
 to end
to
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at
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 24 per cent
in
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for
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 age 76+.
The
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A
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 similar situation with the third category – entertainment,
it
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apply
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had been increasing during 4 groups of citizens from 7 per cent to 24% but in the
end
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end,
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 it
is
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was
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 halved by some reasons for the
ages
 76+.
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task response
Ensure that your essay directly addresses the question asked. Begin with a clear introduction that paraphrases the prompt and outlines your position. Your response seemed to address a different topic.
task response
Develop your ideas comprehensively. Each paragraph should introduce a clear main idea, followed by supporting details or examples. Your essay did not sufficiently develop ideas relevant to the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay in a clear, logical manner. Use paragraphs to separate different ideas and employ connecting words to help the reader understand the relationship between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Include an introduction and a conclusion. The introduction should set the stage for your argument, and the conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your position.
task response
Use specific examples to support your points. Even if you are discussing general trends, incorporating specific examples can make your argument stronger and more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • strain on the health care system
  • introduce
  • physical education
  • curriculum
  • overweight
  • nutrition
  • balanced diet
  • obesity-related diseases
  • genetic factors
  • socioeconomic status
  • reevaluation
  • academic priorities
  • holistic approach
  • public health policies
  • community support
What to do next:
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