The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last years. Discuss the causes and effect of this issue disturbing trend.

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The survey

that

Linking Words

Wrong verb form

was

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taken

last

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year

had

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

showed that the number of

children

Use synonyms

who

had an

Replace the word

were obese

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obesity

Use synonyms

had increased in western by almost 20%.

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my point of view, the main

caused

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cause

show examples

this

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problem

Use synonyms

was

unhealthy

Add an article

an unhealthy

the unhealthy

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lifestyle.

Nowdays

Correct the word

Nowadays

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, most

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apply

show examples

children

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had

Wrong verb form

have

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a high interest

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show examples

consuming

a junk

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junk food

a portion of junk food

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food

Use synonyms

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

lead

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leads

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not only

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to an

show examples

overweight

problem

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but

also

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can create

a serious diseases

Correct the article-noun agreement

serious diseases

a serious disease

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when they get older

such

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as cancer. In

this

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era, when

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

technology has rapidly grown,

youngster

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the youngster

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has a wide range of choices

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show examples

food

Use synonyms

. They can afford any type of

meals

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meal

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include

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including

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the fast one. There are a lot of restaurants that serve fast

food

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menu on their top of menu, and it makes

children

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easiest to get unhealthy

food

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. Despite the variety

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show examples

shops, the delicious taste

that is

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offered by the meals was another factor that

increase

Wrong verb form

increased

show examples

Use synonyms

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

desire to purchase

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

processed

food

Use synonyms

Moreover

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

habbit

Correct your spelling

habit

of consuming a fast meal is not balanced with the appropriate exercise which creates an overweight

problem

Use synonyms

for the youngster. Having an

obesity

Use synonyms

problem

Use synonyms

is not only related to the physical

apperance

Correct your spelling

appearance

but

also

Linking Words

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

long term

Add a hyphen

long-term

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effect as they get older. When

children

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suffer

Change preposition

from

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with

Change preposition

from

show examples

their body weight, they will be

Replace the word

mocked

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mock

Wrong verb form

mocked

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by their

Fix the agreement mistake

friends

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friend

Fix the agreement mistake

friends

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, which

effect

Correct your spelling

affect

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their mentality. On the other sides, mobility

issue

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issues

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will be generated by people with

obesity

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, they will be slower to move

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then

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than

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their mates with a proportional weight.

Moreover

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, as they get older, they will have a bigger chance of

complication

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complicated

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deseases

Correct your spelling

diseases

such

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as heart attack,

cholestrol

Correct your spelling

cholesterol

even

Correct word choice

and even

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cancer. In my conclusion,

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see

Remove the article

apply

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obesity

Use synonyms

as one of the

illness

Change to a plural noun

illnesses

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that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

created by

people

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people's

show examples

lifestyle

Fix the agreement mistake

lifestyles

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, either eating or

excersing

Correct your spelling

exercising

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

Moreover

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

issue

Correct your spelling

show examples

Correct your spelling

show examples

not

Wrong verb form

considered

show examples

consider

Wrong verb form

considered

show examples

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

show examples

serious

deseases

Correct your spelling

diseases

disease

could lead

Change preposition

show examples

into

Change preposition

show examples

a huge

problem

Use synonyms

as people get older.

angelhorta313Tue Feb 13 2024

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Task Achievement

Consider focusing on more varied and detailed examples to strengthen your arguments. Doing so can enhance the relevance and specificity of your examples, which is crucial for accurately answering the essay prompt.

Coherence & Cohesion

Work on providing a clearer and more logical structure to your essay by organizing your ideas more effectively. This includes ensuring smooth transitions between paragraphs and within the essay as a whole.

Coherence & Cohesion

To enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more fluidly. This will help your essay flow better and make your points clearer to the reader.

Coherence & Cohesion

Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and address the essay question directly. Your introduction should offer a brief overview of what will be discussed, while your conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points made and your stance on the issue.

General Advice

Pay attention to the accuracy of language use, including grammar, vocabulary, and punctuation. Improvement in these areas can significantly enhance the clarity and professionalism of your writing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
59
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

306 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

public health concern
sedentary behavior
high-calorie, low-nutrient
processed foods
physical activity
genetic predispositions
type 2 diabetes
cardiovascular diseases
psychological issues
low self-esteem
depression
social and economic effects
healthcare systems
life expectancy
academic performance
future productivity
public health campaigns
food industry practices
nutrition
lifestyle choices

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The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last years. Discuss the causes and effect of this issue disturbing trend.

Your opinion

Children today find it’s difficult to concentrate or pay attention in schools. Why do you think causes this problem? What do we need to do to solve this problem?

zoos should exist or not . discuss both views and give your opinion

The massive movement of people from agricultural areas to cities in search of employment can lead to serious problems in both places. What are the problems, and how can these be solved?

Many students choose to study at colleges and universities that are far away from the places where they grew up. Do the benefits of this outweigh the drawbacks?

Some schools are very strict about their school uniforms and the appearance of their pupils, while other schools have a very relaxed dress code. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children of having a school uniform?