Many people believe that family has the strongest influence on a child’s development, while others believe that external factors such as television, friends and music play a big role. Discuss both views

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While

Linking Words

a faction of people holds the notion that family has

imperative

Correct article usage

an imperative

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role

Use synonyms

offspring

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in offspring

show examples

development

Use synonyms

, others argue that external

factores

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factors

factories

have

Add an article

a more

show examples

significant

role

Use synonyms

. I agree with the latter viewpoint as ample reasons are present to substantiate it which will

explain

Wrong verb form

be explained

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this

Linking Words

essay. First and foremost,

Atlhough

Correct your spelling

although

this

Linking Words

technology-driven world parents has

Use synonyms

role

Add an article

a role

the role

show examples

for

Change preposition

show examples

the

development

Use synonyms

children

Use synonyms

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

external factors, undeniably,

such

Linking Words

as social

media

Use synonyms

and

televison

Correct your spelling

television

are the most

influencial

Correct your spelling

influential

factors for the cognitive

development

Use synonyms

of juveniles. To illustrate,

children

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are

consider

Wrong verb form

considered

show examples

their

role

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model

Fix the agreement mistake

models

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as social

media

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influencers and celebrities

instead

Linking Words

of their parents by the influence of these modern

media

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Moreover

Linking Words

, music has a vital

role

Use synonyms

for

Change preposition

show examples

the

development

Use synonyms

adolascents

Correct your spelling

adolescents

. The

Use synonyms

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

charactor

Correct your spelling

character

development

Use synonyms

Unnecessary verb

apply

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depends

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show examples

the type of music which they

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

usually listen

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to.

show examples

Furthermore

Linking Words

, Teachers and

friends

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have enormous

contribution

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contributions

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for

Change preposition

show examples

the

development

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juvenile

Fix the agreement mistake

juveniles

show examples

. In

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

other

word

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words

show examples

, nowadays

children

Use synonyms

spend more time with their

friends

Use synonyms

and teachers

compare

Wrong verb form

compared

show examples

to the past

due to

Linking Words

the hectic lifestyle of parents.

Therefore

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

adolescents

beeing

Correct your spelling

are

influenced by their

friends

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, it is true that several juvenile

crime

Fix the agreement mistake

crimes

show examples

are

commited

Correct your spelling

committed

due to

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

peer pressure.

Similarly

Linking Words

, society has

also

Linking Words

vital

Add an article

a vital

show examples

role

Use synonyms

for

Change preposition

show examples

the shaping

charactor

Correct your spelling

character

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

adolescents. In detail, the community is accepting

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the correction

for

Change preposition

show examples

the juvenile who committed minor crimes and support for their future will help to enable a bright future for them. In conclusion,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

social

media

Use synonyms

and music have immense influence

Change preposition

show examples

the

developement

Correct your spelling

development

juvenile

Fix the agreement mistake

juveniles

show examples

. Not only

friends

Use synonyms

but

also

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society have a

role

Use synonyms

Change preposition

show examples

their

development

Use synonyms

alos. Ergo, I believe that external

factore

Correct your spelling

factors

have

Add an article

a more

show examples

vital

role

Use synonyms

for

Change preposition

show examples

children

Use synonyms

's future.

ck.manshadTue Feb 13 2024

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coherence cohesion

Introduce topics more clearly and thoroughly; a stronger and more developed introduction will set the tone for a more coherent essay

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on the point.

coherence cohesion

Work on creating clearer logical transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay.

task achievement

Address the task by discussing both views presented in the prompt thoroughly. While you've presented opinions on both sides, further balance and clear argumentation for each view will strengthen your essay.

task achievement

Use specific examples to support your ideas and arguments. While you've attempted to include examples, making them more detailed and directly relevant to your main points will enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.

task achievement

For a higher band score, ensure that your response fully and directly answers all parts of the task. Work on developing a more nuanced and thoroughly argued position on the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
47
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

279 words

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Many people believe that family has the strongest influence on a child’s development, while others believe that external factors such as television, friends and music play a big role. Discuss both views

Your opinion

Robots and artificial intelligence are being developed to replace humans in the work place. why is this hapenning? Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact on society?

Some people suggest that a country should try to produce all the food for its population and import as little food as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Unhealthy eating has a negative effect on both individuals and the society in which they live. Some people think that the government should tax unhealthy foods while others believe that a ‘fat tax’ is unfair and unnecessary

Some cities create extra housing by building tall buildings. Other cities do this by building on wide areas of land. Which do you think is the best solution to the problem of housing?

ome people believe that government spends too much money on space research while there are still a lot of problems on the earth. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.