some think increasing business and culural contact between nations is positive. Others think it leads to the dissappearance of national identity. Discuss both Views and state your own opinion.

#think #business #contact #nations #dissappearance #identity

It is becoming more common for collaboration in the business industry and culture within

countries

around the world.

While

some would argue that it can cause the degradation of national identity because other

cultures

become more popular, I believe that

this

is a positive movement that can enhance international cooperation in many sectors. On the one hand, there is a fear among the public that exposure to foreign

cultures

will overshadow the value of existing

cultures

. The more popular the

cultures

, the more likely the traditional heritage will be forgotten by the younger generation.

For example

, the rise of Korean pop

cultures

Fix the agreement mistake

culture

show examples

such

as music and language, nowadays makes it

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

preferable for young people to learn about comparing to their own national traditions.

However

, I believe that

this

does not affect the existing

cultures

because in many

countries

the awareness of national identity has already been taught since

Correct article usage

the early

show examples

early

Correct article usage

the early

show examples

education stage so that should not be forgotten.

On the other hand

, globalization will improve cooperation between

countries

in a positive way. It allows for a broader understanding and appreciation of diverse

cultures

and promotes global unity. As for now, we can witness that Japanese

cultures

Fix the agreement mistake

culture

show examples

become respected and

succeed

Wrong verb form

succeeded

show examples

in improving global awareness about the importance of discipline.

Therefore

, I believe that other

countries

that want to engage the collaboration in the economic or education sectors with Japan will respect

this

value. In conclusion,

although

the worries about intrusion from foreign

cultures

because of the possibility of deducting national value, I believe that cultural exchange can produce

positive

Add an article

a positive

show examples

impact and improve

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

international awareness of cultural diversity.

Submitted by rezasatria19 on Tue Feb 13 2024

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Task Achievement

Ensure that your essay directly addresses all parts of the task. While your essay does touch on both views and provides your opinion, making your position clearer from the introduction could enhance task achievement.

Task Achievement

Work on developing your ideas more thoroughly. Introducing more detailed analysis and explanation for each point can help make your essay more comprehensive.

Coherence and Cohesion

Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will help with the coherence of your writing.

Coherence and Cohesion

Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within it directly support that idea. This practice helps in maintaining the logical structure of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

268 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Globalization
International cooperation
Economic growth
Cultural exchange
Cultural homogenization
Dominant cultures
Local economies
National heritage
Global citizenship
Mutual respect
Tolerance

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some think increasing business and culural contact between nations is positive. Others think it leads to the dissappearance of national identity. Discuss both Views and state your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some countries have recently passed laws limiting the daily working hours of employees. Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact.

The illustration show how chocolate is produced. Task 1

To some people, studying the past has little value in the modern world. Why do you think it is important to do so? What will be the effect if children are not taught history?

Some people say that the main environmental problem in our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Other say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both sides of these views and give your own opinion.

the-chart-below-shows-information-about-subway-systems-in-three-major-european-cities-summarize-the-information-by-selecting-and-reporting-the-main-information-and-making-comparisons