Throughout history, people have dreamed about a perfect society. But they have not agreed what a perfect society looks like. What do you think is the most important element of an ideal society? How people work to achieve an ideal society?

In
this
modern era,the advancement in technology developed rapidly but still
humans
are unable to decide yet what a perfect
society
looks like.People
had
Wrong verb form
have
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been dreaming
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
society
with perfection
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
long
Correct article usage
a long
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times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
.I will describe the most essential elements of an ideal
society
and how
humans
can work to
accompolish
Correct your spelling
accomplish
that goal with credible examples in the upcoming paragraphs. The first and
important
Correct quantifier usage
most important
show examples
part of a perfect civilization is helping each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
with love and
wishdom
Correct your spelling
wisdom
.It can encourage the process of making the living of individuals in that
society
better and even that helps to strong the economy and
infrastructre
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
.
For example
,throughout history,all
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
communities came
in
Change preposition
into
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existance
Correct your spelling
existence
because they
aid
Wrong verb form
aided
show examples
each other and when they stopped by being the slaves of greed,they just disappeared from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history.
Furthermore
,Forgiveness is the beauty of humanity which is essential for a human
society
.
For instance
,Everybody
do
Verb problem
makes
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mistakes in their lives and sometimes
humans
didn't
Wrong verb form
don't
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realize that
its
Correct your spelling
it's
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human nature to
do
Verb problem
make
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such
errors which can act like an obstacle in the path of building a perfect culture. People can easily achieve a
such
society
with the aid of unity.They can understand each
others
Change to a genitive case
other's
show examples
problems and try to make a solution without any greediness.
Instead
of fighting,they can produce some basic human qualities like forgiveness and wisdom in them.
Moreover
,They should learn from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history about how some famous cultures
disappear
Wrong verb form
disappeared
show examples
because they were unable to build a good community which will help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans
to understand the avoidable things to achieve an ideal civilization. In conclusion,Building
such
a perfect
society
isn't impossible if
humans
follow the steps which are
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
.Developing qualities like wisdom,forgiveness and love can play a pivotal role in the establishment of
excellent
Correct article usage
an excellent
show examples
culture.
Submitted by sandhuprabh090 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay has a recognizable introduction and conclusion which is good. However, try to make your thesis statement clearer to directly address the essay prompt.
Task Achievement
Make sure your essay explicitly addresses the prompt throughout, especially in body paragraphs. Incorporate more precise examples to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates an effort to organize ideas logically. For improvement, consider using a wider range of linking phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Focus more on developing your main points with specific, detailed examples. Currently, your examples are quite general and don't fully illustrate your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Mind your spelling and grammar; small errors can distract from your message and hinder coherence. Consider proofreading more thoroughly.
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