Throughout history, people have dreamed about a perfect society. But they have not agreed what a perfect society looks like. What do you think is the most important element of an ideal society? How people work to achieve an ideal society?

#history #people #society #element #work

this

modern era,the advancement in technology developed rapidly but still

humans

are unable to decide yet what a perfect

society

looks like.People

had

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

been dreaming

Change preposition

of a

show examples

society

with perfection

from

Change preposition

for

show examples

long

Correct article usage

a long

show examples

times

Fix the agreement mistake

time

show examples

.I will describe the most essential elements of an ideal

society

and how

humans

can work to

accompolish

Correct your spelling

accomplish

that goal with credible examples in the upcoming paragraphs. The first and

important

Correct quantifier usage

most important

show examples

part of a perfect civilization is helping each

others

Change to a singular noun

other

show examples

with love and

wishdom

Correct your spelling

wisdom

.It can encourage the process of making the living of individuals in that

society

better and even that helps to strong the economy and

infrastructre

Correct your spelling

infrastructure

For example

,throughout history,all

succesful

Correct your spelling

successful

communities came

Change preposition

into

show examples

existance

Correct your spelling

existence

because they

aid

Wrong verb form

aided

show examples

each other and when they stopped by being the slaves of greed,they just disappeared from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

history.

Furthermore

,Forgiveness is the beauty of humanity which is essential for a human

society

For instance

,Everybody

Verb problem

makes

show examples

mistakes in their lives and sometimes

humans

didn't

Wrong verb form

don't

show examples

realize that

its

Correct your spelling

it's

show examples

human nature to

Verb problem

make

show examples

such

errors which can act like an obstacle in the path of building a perfect culture. People can easily achieve a

such

society

with the aid of unity.They can understand each

others

Change to a genitive case

other's

show examples

problems and try to make a solution without any greediness.

Instead

of fighting,they can produce some basic human qualities like forgiveness and wisdom in them.

Moreover

,They should learn from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

history about how some famous cultures

disappear

Wrong verb form

disappeared

show examples

because they were unable to build a good community which will help

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

humans

to understand the avoidable things to achieve an ideal civilization. In conclusion,Building

such

a perfect

society

isn't impossible if

humans

follow the steps which are

neccessary

Correct your spelling

necessary

.Developing qualities like wisdom,forgiveness and love can play a pivotal role in the establishment of

excellent

Correct article usage

an excellent

show examples

culture.

Submitted by sandhuprabh090 on Wed Feb 14 2024

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Task Achievement

Your essay has a recognizable introduction and conclusion which is good. However, try to make your thesis statement clearer to directly address the essay prompt.

Task Achievement

Make sure your essay explicitly addresses the prompt throughout, especially in body paragraphs. Incorporate more precise examples to support your points.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay demonstrates an effort to organize ideas logically. For improvement, consider using a wider range of linking phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.

Coherence and Cohesion

Focus more on developing your main points with specific, detailed examples. Currently, your examples are quite general and don't fully illustrate your points.

Coherence and Cohesion

Mind your spelling and grammar; small errors can distract from your message and hinder coherence. Consider proofreading more thoroughly.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

279 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Throughout history, people have dreamed about a perfect society. But they have not agreed what a perfect society looks like. What do you think is the most important element of an ideal society? How people work to achieve an ideal society?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In many countries, many children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people believe that the government has the responsibility to deal with it. Do you agree or disagree?

It is important for people to take risks, in their professional lives and personal lives. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

In some countries , the government promote public transportation and discourage the private vehicles what are the advantage and disadvantages?

Some people believe that the main benefit of international cooperation is the protection of the environment, while others think that the main benefits are in the world of business. Discuss both views and give your opinion