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Some people say that the feeling of competition should be encouraged in children others say they should be taught to become cooperative. What is your opinion?

#people #competition #children
Every parent has their own style of parenting their
children
 and it is obvious that every one of them
wish
Change the verb form
wishes
show examples
 their upbrings to be the best in the world. As a
consequences
Correct the article-noun agreement
consequence
show examples
, some couples believe that creating a feeling of competition in their
children
 is better than teaching them to be more humble and polite.
However
, I believe in encouraging younger people to be more kind, cooperative and happy as
life
 is full of struggles and I don’t want them to become anxious, depressed, and unhappy just because they lose the
competitions
Fix the agreement mistake
competition
show examples
.
Firstly
, giving a lesson to a
child
 to be a winner in their
life
, the
child
 will not be able to handle a failure later in the
life
.
As a result
, the
children
 will tag themselves as a loser after not winning a game, which leads to depression, anxiety,
behavioural
Correct word choice
and behavioural
show examples
 problems during their childhood and adulthood.
For example
, if a student
become
Wrong verb form
becomes
show examples
last
 in the class in the exam, he will be ashamed of being
last
 and there are high
chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
show examples
 that the
child
 might drop out the school or
he goes
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
depression for not being
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first in the class.
Thus
, it is essential to teach the
children
 to embrace the dark sites of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
as well as
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
life
 is not a competition,
instead
 it is a beautiful journey, and we need to enjoy every bit of it.
Secondly
, guiding a kid to become the best among other people will create anger and violent behaviour among them as it is not possible to win every time. A younger one will feel worthless after not being able to grab the first position if they
taught
Add a missing verb
are taught
show examples
 to be the winner as a
consequences
Correct the article-noun agreement
consequence
show examples
 they might become aggressive and harsh towards other people in the group which might create a violent kind of environment.
Moreover
, a
child
 can take his
life
 after not winning the game as he thinks he is worthless to be alive.
Thus
, it is vital to nurture the
child
 to be more kind and helpful
instead
 of encouraging them to be competitive.
Hence
, it is important to direct the
children
 to enjoy both failure and success as it is a part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
. Being competitive will create
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more unhappiness,
depressions
Fix the agreement mistake
depression
show examples
, and anger as it is not possible to win all the time.
Submitted by gita_tiliza on

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Task Achievement
Clarify your thesis statement in the introduction to explicitly state your opinion on the issue.
Task Achievement
Develop your main ideas further with more detailed examples to support your argument. This makes your stance clearer and more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure logical flow between paragraphs by using more cohesive devices (e.g., however, furthermore, in addition) to link ideas and arguments within and between paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Check your essay for typographical and grammatical errors to improve readability and professionalism.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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