The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In today’s world, a diversity of foods that can’t control sugar
cause
obesity in children, adults and Replace the word
causes
the
older people. I believe exercise in Correct article usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
school
and food
control that
can prevent children from diseases and reduce the cost of Correct pronoun usage
apply
health
of the government.
Add an article
the health
To begin
, Usually, at school
have lessons on exercise such
as a
swimming, basketball, football etc., and youngsters always work out twice a week. Remove the article
apply
However
, not enough in
lose Change preposition
to
weights
. So, the college should encourage activity by organizing a competition in the Fix the agreement mistake
weight
school
for students to participate in game
, which motivates them to practice and more exercise. Fix the agreement mistake
games
Additionally
, school
should Fix the agreement mistake
schools
have hired
a special teacher to teach essential exercises after they finish Wrong verb form
hire
school
as yoke, aerobics, or dance that help them burn calories more and reduce stress from heavy academic learning.
However
, physical activity not
able to reduce weight if lack of Add a missing verb
is not
food
control, overconsumption
has an impact on health as well, some types of Correct word choice
and overconsumption
food
have ingredient much sugar which is able harm
health, Add the particle
to harm
for example
, fast food
, snacks, coca cola
, cake etc., that if younger have overeaten cause add bodyweight within a short time. So, Correct your spelling
Coca-Cola
school
have taught the lesson for reading the nutrition Fix the agreement mistake
schools
fact
labels on products to help students understand and Fix the agreement mistake
facts
eating
suit with each day.
In conclusion, Wrong verb form
eat
however
, education may lead in
diet by preventing Change preposition
to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
to
being a problem in the future, but not Change preposition
from
as
all, I believe a part of diet by dietary restrictions Change preposition
at
such
as sugar-free.Submitted by chompoo34888 on
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structure
Ensure your essay has a clear structure, including an introduction that states your position, body paragraphs that support your argument, and a conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint. This will enhance coherence.
development
Develop each paragraph around a single main idea, using relevant examples and explanations to support your argument. This will strengthen the logical flow and cohesion of your essay.
relevance
Focus on directly answering the question posed in the prompt. Make sure each part of your response contributes to addressing the topic, including explaining how introducing more physical education in schools addresses the issue of obesity.
grammar
Work on grammar and punctuation to improve clarity and professionalism of your writing.
vocabulary
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and to avoid repetition.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite