IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Write about the following topic: Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinions on this? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#topic #children #games #reason #violence #crime #cities #world
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Nowadays It's really easy to get angry with anything. For
poeoples
Correct your spelling
peoples
people
future
Add a comma
future,
show examples
 the main
rool
Correct your spelling
role
takes
Verb problem
is
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
. There
many
Add a missing verb
are many
show examples
 reasons why parents can't grow calm
children
Use synonyms
.
The one
Correct article usage
One
show examples
 of the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 is computer
games
Use synonyms
. There
many
Add a missing verb
are many
show examples
 types of computer
games
Use synonyms
 for different
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
children
Use synonyms
,
half
Correct word choice
and half
show examples
 of them do not lead to mention
attack
Fix the agreement mistake
attacks
show examples
 or brain
shtorm
Correct your spelling
storm
, but
games
Use synonyms
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 PG Mobile, CSgo and so on
result
Add an article
the result
a result
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
noncontroled
Correct your spelling
noncontrolled
uncontrolled
, hyperactive
children
Use synonyms
. The general
qoals
Correct your spelling
goals
goal
 of
this
Linking Words
 game
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 killing
enemy
Add an article
the enemy
an enemy
show examples
.
Traditionaly
Correct your spelling
Traditionally
, playing
games
Use synonyms
 must be
interested
Wrong verb form
interesting
show examples
 and
educationaly
Correct your spelling
educational
educationally
 for all the
children
Use synonyms
, step by step scientists create more cognitive
games
Use synonyms
 for
yongn
Correct your spelling
young
long
babyes
Correct your spelling
babies
 and kids , but any
actoins
Correct your spelling
actions
 for teenagers. In 2020
I've done
Wrong verb form
I did
show examples
 my research in
this
Linking Words
 area, the generally for teens, in
this
Linking Words
 project was found interesting facts more than half
og
Correct your spelling
of
 them don't realize their future without computer
games
Use synonyms
. I found
solution
Add an article
a solution
the solution
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem, parents need to
become
Verb problem
be
show examples
 in their
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
 as much as
posible
Correct your spelling
possible
. At all it may be
simple
Correct article usage
a simple
show examples
 routine, making dinner together or
picnik
Correct your spelling
picnic
 with family.
It
Add a verb
It is
It was
show examples
 important to do something with kids, be
team
Add an article
a team
show examples
.
Submitted by burtebaeva02 on

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Task Achievement
To improve your task response, ensure that you fully address the question by providing a clear opinion on the topic and expanding on your ideas with detailed explanations and examples. This could be in the form of stating your stance clearly in the introduction, followed by paragraphs that support your opinion with reasons, examples, and potential consequences or solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on creating a more logical structure in your essay by organizing your ideas into clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a single main idea that is introduced in the first sentence, followed by supporting sentences that develop this idea. Use conjunctions and transition words to connect your ideas smoothly.
Coherence and Cohesion
To further support your main points, integrate more specific examples from credible sources or from your own experiences. This will not only make your arguments more convincing but also show a deeper understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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