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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Science
Use synonyms
 and
technology
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has
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have
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 a huge impact on our society, which is why some people argue that all college students must focus on the current issues that the world is facing nowadays.
Besides
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 that, some still believe that everyone has a right to decide whatever they want.
This
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 essay will elaborate
two
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on two
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 perspectives which can give a great view
on
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of
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 their prospective careers.
To begin
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 with, many aspects of our daily basis are influenced by
science
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 and
technology
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such
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 as health, transportation, artificial intelligence, and others.
For instance
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, all those aspects need extensive
science
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 and
technology
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 studies.
On the other hand
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, governments
also
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 look forward to candidates that
acquired
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acquire
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 knowledge
on
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of
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 specific studies concerning
science
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 and
technology
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.
For example
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, Health Workers with specialization
on
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in
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 Virology are needed during Covid-19;
however
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, it is undoubtedly really hard to find someone who is an expert on those
subjects
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 especially in some developing countries. Another example
,
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is, cyber
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cyber
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that cyber
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 security was a big issue in the
last
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 decade since every country might attack others directly using the internet like artificial intelligence. Cyber security experts are needed to protect private data from spies or scammers.
Conversely
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, Social
Science
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 and Humanities
subjects
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also
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 have a huge role in developing cultures,
languages
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, and literatures. Since culture is part of soft diplomacy for each country, we never imagine how the country could be without developing
their
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its
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 own cultures and
languages
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. All aspects regarding cultures and
languages
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 will disappear one day because no one takes
it
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them
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 seriously.
For instance
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, Papua island has very huge communities living side by side covering nearly 300 local
languages
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 and a hundred tribes. Government should take
actions
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action
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 to preserve every culture and should make an intensive policy to support culture and art so that people can learn how diverse living in
this
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 world is.
Although
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,
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apply
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 Social
science
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 graduates are facing very good career prospects in the future, it doesn’t mean that the
subjects
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 are neglected. In conclusion, I fully understand that every subject is important to develop our communities in the future. Concerning some people who neglected other
subjects
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, the government should take
actions
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action
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 to provide job seekers
a
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with a
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lot of opportunities to gain.

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task achievement
Make sure the introduction clearly outlines the points you'll discuss. While your introduction touches on both viewpoints, clarifying your own opinion from the start could enhance clarity.
task achievement
Develop each paragraph with a clear main idea, supported by specific examples or explanations. You've provided examples, but further elaboration on how these examples support your argument could strengthen your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure transition words or phrases are used effectively to link ideas between sentences and paragraphs. You've used some transitions, but varied and strategic use could improve flow and coherence.
task achievement
While both sides of the argument are presented, make sure your conclusion clearly restates your viewpoint, summarizing how the discussion supports your stance. This reiteration could be more explicit in your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • engagement
  • excel
  • innovative contributions
  • diversity in research
  • well-rounded education
  • broad perspectives
  • critical thinking skills
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • forced academic paths
  • job-ready
  • skills shortages
  • tech-driven economy
  • employment rates
  • changing job market
  • utilitarian subjects
  • aptitudes
  • wasting talent
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