Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer game for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is debated that some people believe that reading stories from a
book
is better than watching television or playing computer games for children.In my point of view,I totally agree with the statement in spite of two factors,
such
as
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
show examples
an individual's
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
and
healthier
Add a missing verb
being healthier
show examples
,which I
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
fully explain in the following paragraph. First,many parents encourage their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
to read stories from a
book
because
this
can enhance one's development of imagination and creativity.
For example
,a kid will try to visualize the scenes and the characters they read compared to a superficial film.
Besides
,reading a
book
fosters a person's critical thinking skills and problem-solving skills will surely have benefits on the future development.
In addition
,
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
will learn more words and language developments provide understanding and information that are useful
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
up coming
Correct your spelling
upcoming
show examples
times.
In contrast
,an individual
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
spends more time on TV or video
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
will have a negative impact on their physical and mental health
due to
prolonged screen
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
compared to
raading
Correct your spelling
reading
a
book
has less
effects
Fix the agreement mistake
effect
show examples
on health.There is no doubt that in
this
modern era,every household owns electronic devices.
Therefore
,parents play a big role in the restriction of the utilisation of
eletronic
Correct your spelling
electronic
devices.
For example
parental neglect,
as a result
,youngsters tend to play more video games rather than read or
studying
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
and slowly bad eyesight will occur,
somestimes
Correct your spelling
sometimes
,leading to serious eye problems. In conclusion,
although
there is
no
Rephrase
nothing
show examples
wrong
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young ones
to play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
video games and
watch
Wrong verb form
watching
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
with some restrictions, I do believe that it is essential for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children to read books to boost their knowledge and creativity.
Submitted by tifjong on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction Clarity
Make sure your introduction clearly presents your view on the topic and outlines the structure of your essay.
Paragraphing and Topic Sentences
Organize your main points more clearly, sometimes your arguments can become a bit difficult to follow. Use clear paragraphing and topic sentences for each paragraph.
Use of Examples
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This strengthens your essay and makes your points more convincing.
Grammar and Typos
Review and avoid minor grammatical errors and typos to improve the overall clarity and professionalism of your essay.
Vocabulary Range
Expand your range of vocabulary to avoid repetition and to more precisely express your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • imagination
  • creativity
  • visualize
  • critical thinking
  • immediate gratification
  • problem-solving
  • language development
  • vocabulary expansion
  • interactive
  • engaging
  • attention span
  • moral values
  • life lessons
  • empathize
  • fleeting connections
What to do next:
Look at other essays: